BLACK STAINS

2005-12-11T01:35:00.000+08:00

I've just finished watching Cast Away on Channel 5. Pauline v2005 likes it. I remember when this film was released 5 years ago, my best friend urged me watch it with her, but I said, "I think I'll give it a miss. Like so boring leh. I'd rather watch that Grinch movie or Meet The Parents."

After 5 years, I realised what I've missed. But at least, at least I caught the film on TV just now. But I think they cut some parts away, fuck Channel 5. I'm gonna get the VCD somehow. Well, basically from what I saw, the story went like this.

Tom Hanks was a FedEx employee (it is extremely obvious cos FedEx keep appearing on the screen!) --> gotta go away for a business trip on Xmas eve --> promised his girlfriend (Helen Hunt) that he would back by New Year's Eve --> exchanged Xmas present on the car --> he gave her towel, pager blah blah blah, she gave him a watch with her picture on it --> actually gave her a proposal ring and asked her to open it on New Year's Eve --> his plane crashed so, obviously, he didn't manage to get back, got himself stranded on an island cos of a plane crash --> he held on to the watch his girlfriend gave him --> he was forced to survive on the island with the limited resources --> he ripped the FedEx packages and made a volleyball his partner, called Wilson, which he always talk to whenever he was bored, or needed motivation --> he made a raft and attempted to leave the island --> he carried Wilson along, but lost him when it fell into the water, though he tried to save Wilson, he couldn't cos he was too weak to do so --> yada yada yada and he survived in the end (by yada-ing away, I don't mean it's unimportant, it's the essence of the movie actually) --> came back to the US and realised his girlfriend was already the wife of another man, and already had a daughter --> girlfriend couldn't forget him, termed him the "love of her life" but yet they weren't together in the end --> delivered the only package he didn't open to this girl yada yada and he just stood there at the end at the crossroad blah blah blah.

What I loved:

When Tom Hank grows his beard and hair all around, Wilson also has a tuft of grass stuck on him. So cute.

When Tom Hank threw Wilson in the water when he felt frustrated, and then going into the sea to find it again, saying something like "I'll never do it again."

The scene where Tom Hank goes, "WILSSSSSOOOOOOOOONNNNN!" when he lost Wilson because of the huge waves. I mean, Wilson is just a volleyball, and he feels so much for it. Aww. The best part of the movie.

What I hated:

FEDEX KEEP APPEARING! FedEx box, FedEx plane, FedEx trucks. I'm FED UP.

When his girlfriend realised he wasn't dead. She said something like, "I always knew you were alive, I knew it. Everybody said that I had to let you go. I love you. You're the love of my life!" Then why did you marry your husband, why did you fuck him, why did you give birth to a daughter? Just say you gave up, don't lie. And I knew he's gonna fucking lose her when he gets back. I hate it when I think something bad's gonna happen, and I hate it even more when I'm right.

I like that Wilson ball. :) This is the 99th post, maybe I'm going to delete this blog, come up with a new layout, new blog address, to kiss 2005 goodbye, and welcome 2006. But I don't think I'm gonna change the stuffs on the left and the song.

I've so many things to look forward to. And I fell in love with so many things, blowing bubbles, going to buy bubble tea with my sister and her friend in the afternoon, shopping in the supermarket, looking at butterflies, taking photos of that fat ah mm in my neighbourhood, reading, and... :)

AU REVOIR!

2005-12-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

Borrowed 8 books today! Hahah. Cos I don't know which to choose, so I'll just borrow them all. I don't wanna waste time making decision, cos I'm like really bad at making decisions.

Here's what I've borrowed today.

The Boy Who Ate Stars by Kochka. A children's book, the cover got my attention cos it's so pretty. About an autistic child named Matthew and how this girl named Lucy befriended him etc. I've finished it. And my favourite paragraph from the book, "The more we mulled it over, the more one answer sprang to mind: she didn't talk. Perhaps you had to be wordless to understand silence, like blind people seeing with their hands. We decided she and Matthew were linked at the heart. Hearts have their own wavelengths."

How To Be Famous by Alison Bond. I think it's some chick-lit. I think I took the wrong book. I'll chuck this away.

Startling Moon by Liu Hong. Nothing special. Something by Asian author, so I took it. About someone who yearns for her parents' love, and then she'll grow up blah blah blah.

The Next Big Thing by Anita Brookner. Something about an old man not knowing what's the next big thing in his life is. Reminds me of myself.

The River by Tricia Wastvedt. Something about the baby dying, reminds me of Mourning Ruby.

Charming Billy by Alice McDermott. Something about someone dying, blah blah blah.

Ben In The World by Doris Lessing. Sequel to The Fifth Child.

The Way The Crow Flies by Ann-Marie MacDonald. Set in 1960s, like Spit Against The Wind. About a child called Madeleine.

And then I realise something. The books I borrow almost always

- have got children inside / feature someone's childhood (I like stories which makes me reminisce, those lost innocence..)
- have nothing to do with romance (I just hate it)
- have got someone dying (I'm morbid)

Anyway I realise why

- I'm extremely easily irritated / moody these days. Super duper grouchy, I can't stand myself.
- I've lots of pimples on my forehead, like 30 on the forehead only okay. I'm too lazy to count those on my chin, cheeks. My face too big la.
- I'm suffering from terrible headache and backache. And my shoulders are aching VERY BADLY. I can't bend down and have difficulty even sitting up, no kidding.
- I keep having these stupid cramps.

when I was greeted with the crimson stain on my underwear. HAHAHAHAH. Sorry, I know it's very gross. I'm Pauline what.

But I was VERY relieved. Cos I thought I was suffering from rheumatism at such a young age, or maybe something even more serious than that. Kept worrying non-stop. Phew. It's just PMS. And I've always thought that PMS was a myth, cos it has never happened to me. Nevermind, I'll listen to happy songs to cheer myself up. That means no Marilyn Manson, no Slipknot, no DFA1979, more of Franz Ferdinand! :) AND READ! At least I won't show anyone my PMSy side and piss them off. Sorry in advance if I piss you off okay. And sorry if I've pissed you off these few days.

Oh when I woke up tonight I said I
I'm gonna make somebody love me
I'm gonna make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it's you
You're lucky, lucky
You're so lucky!
Oh well do you, do you do you want to?

2005-12-03T22:42:00.000+08:00

WX's latest entry

dear pauline - thank you for the interesting stuff we chat on msn, the music u sent, and the chatting on msn when i was down. Also, thanks of all things the jokes we all had in class - SO MISS laughing abt boonwah chin hua and many others like kelly and mdm quek of course

Hahaha, I feel good, yet guilty about something. And I reminisce the times we used to have, laughing at people. There's this mean streak in me which makes me wanna criticise and make fun of people. I can't help it.

Maybe I should write a little something about the people around me, crediting some people. Starting with 4/5 people.

Bixia - Thanks for lowering the class MSG to balance out the damage done by me.

Xinying - Thanks for answering, although indirectly, when I ask what homework there is.

Huiyi - Thanks for being adventurous enough to try playing the pencil spirit game with Crystal and me during CCA, when the others chickened out. And oh ya, thanks for the gossips and stuffs like that. And though I never tell you this, I think you're rather cute. :)

Meifeng - Thanks for gossiping with Weiji and me during and in-between lessons. I've always thought that you were the kind of extremely introverted person, but then I realised that you can be rather funny at times. And you speak English! Yay. Thanks for partnering me during PE.

Deepa - Thanks for encouraging me during our recess runs. And thanks for slacking with me when I feel like slacking during the run. Initially, I thought that you're those no-nonsense kind of girl, but you're quite interesting and hate rules, which is cool.

Fiona - Thanks for trusting me enough to make me your friend. You're by far the most introverted person I've met. Thanks for even talking to me and asking people where I am when I'm out of sight. And I don't know if you remember this, but, I'm sorry for showing you the black face when you lost my worksheet. I seldom do my homework, so that's why I was angry that day.

Jongling - Thanks for sitting with me during the remedials. I think you look stunning during prom. Really! Thanks for laughing at the weirdos with me.

Siyuan - Thanks for gossiping during CCA. And thanks for being a slacker cos that means I won't feel left out during CCA.

Shuyuan - Thanks for being my classmate. You're a real eye-opener.

Zhiqi - Thanks for gossiping with me during class time. Life would have been so so boring without those gossips. And thanks for laughing with me at the quirky people in the class, and also looking at those good looking guys and girls with me.

Yiqi - Thanks for always saying "Hi" to me whenever we board the same bus. I don't know how to make the first move so I may appear rather aloof at times. Thanks for being a spirited person and making me feel a teeny weeny motivated.

Jiaxin - Thanks for telling me where Boon Wah lives. LOL. Although I don't really wanna know, but it's so funny! Thanks for participating in the Guess Who game whenever I draw on the board during recess. I know it's very lame.

Hajar - Thanks for ALWAYS BEING SO FRIENDLY. Thanks for wishing me good luck everytime during exams. And those encouraging words. You're a really nice girl. And those time we ran together.. yup yup.

Pauline - I love you so much.

Jinghao - Thanks for being funny when you try to imitate a certain someone. That facial expression is priceless.

Terence (Chew) - Thanks for always making fun of Boon Wah whenever I'm around. You make me so damn paiseh but yet I find it extremely funny.

James - Thanks for giving me your notes to read and your Maths/Chem homework to copy. You're nice at times. And your spotting of question is quite accurate so it did help a bit.. so yup, thanks.

Weixue - Thanks for the telling me makeup tips which I don't even know and don't need to know, cos I don't apply makeup. Thanks for sending me sentimental and encouraging songs, though I really HATE them. But it's good to get in touch with my ~~feminine~~ sissy side once in a while. And I hope this time round, you will transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly successfully.

Ruiming - Thanks for chatting me up in class, going "Harloowww Porrrlyyyn", and thanks for the MSN conversations we've had. I think you're the male version of me (in some ways) Thanks for being 90++% similar with me. I know you don't want to, but, haha.. I guess the >10% constitutes of our difference in terms of: Liking of violence, liking of animals, our difference in weight. And thanks for the video conversations too, that china boy, the killing of.. I mean, yeah you're the coolest guy I've seen, serious. I like offbeat and unconventional kind of people. I've quite a lot to say, but I'll sound very gay, so I better stop here. Good luck with f-ables. :D

Ivan - Thanks for being nice towards me though I've heard lots of not-so-good stuffs about you, but to me you're quite nice. And thanks for being such a laid-back chairman. I mean, seriously that's a compliment. I can't imagine if the position is taken by someone who's uptight and anal-retentive.

Kai Jie - Thanks for being chatty when there are only the two of us in the class after school, and everybody's gone for their breaks. I think you've got one of the nicest pair of eyes in the class. And you're rather good looking.

Chin Hua - Thanks for telling me stuffs about Boon Wah, and laughing at him with us when we're supposed to be doing group discussions. Sorry for always making fun of you and someone. And oh ya, I think you're extremely good looking, and I feel like digging your eyes and plucking all your lashes out. How do you manage to look THIS good, tell me please.

Kah Joon - Thanks for everything! For accompanying me and motivating me to study. You're the most hardworking person I've ever seen. All the times you tell me not to give up, explaining A LOT of stuffs to me. Thanks for always forwarding me lame Chinese jokes, and telling me the jokes your uncle told you the night before. Thanks for keeping one eye closed during CCA, I slacked too much. Thanks for offering to stand outside the girl's toilet alone waiting for me to bathe cos some supernatural stuffs happened that night in camp. Thanks for accompanying me to walk to the bus stop. Thanks for laughing at me, and getting all my jokes, even the subtle undertones. I'm so amazed by you. Do I sound like I'm in love with you here? Haha. Thanks for always chatting with me in class, after class, during CCA, on MSN, in sms. Thanks for accompanying me to eat during recess. And you always make me laugh, because you know what's on my mind all the freaking time. Don't know about you, but I think you're one of my closest friend. I can't thank you enough, seriously!

Yeemeng - Thanks for helping me to buy my cai bao when I'm too lazy to go down for recess. And thanks for laughing at some people with me, and chatting during lesson time. I think you look so much better as compared to last time when your hair is stiff with gel.

Leonard - Thanks for allowing me to copy Chem cos you're the Chem rep. And telling me stuffs about Boon Wah as well. Thanks for being an eyecandy. Really.

Bingchong - Thanks for being a gemini. You're the only gemini in class apart from me. At least I don't feel so alone.

Wei Jie - Thanks for being one of the more rebellious ones so that the teachers' attention will be on you instead of me. And you're good looking as well.

Xiemai - Thanks for always saying "Yo" when you see me in class, and laughing at my jokes. I think you're one cool dude, and you're cute cos you're Mr Nice Guy.

Aidil - Thanks for being friendly and laughing at people with me. Mr Nice Guy as well.

Shannon - Thanks for the times you said something funny in class, and lighten the mood a little.

Boon Wah - Thanks for being so funny. You don't even have to do anything. But I'm terribly sorry for laughing at you. I mean, I still find you funny but I'm guilty. I think you really hate me to the core, but, you're so goddamn funny! HAHAHAHA.

Desmond - Thanks for making me feel that I'm not the weirdest person around.

David - Thanks for having a blog. Cos I like to read your blog whenever I'm in need of entertainment. Your posts are witty, sarcastic, and very funny.

Weiji - Thanks for being such a friend. Thanks for inviting me to your birthday BBQ. I like your condo's pool so much! Thanks for always chatting with me, laughing at people with me, being sarcastic, making fun of my weight, letting me make fun of your (lack of) height, making fun of my grades, letting me make fun of your English grade, accompanying me to eat during recess, telling me what to study for the exams, urging me to go to the chalet etc. I think you're the one of the funniest person in the class. I don't mean that I like to laugh AT you, but rather, WITH you. School's the happiest when I laugh at random people and stuffs with KJ and you. And making fun of the teachers etc. SO GODDAMN FUN! Thanks for being a friend! REALLY! :D

Terence (Chia) - Thanks for texting me and remind me to bring something/do something. Or else I'll have been standing outside the classroom for 90% of the lesson time.

Yanbo - Thanks for reminding me to pay the class fund every now and then. And accepting my ~~excuse~~ reason for not bringing them.

Shawn - Thanks for providing comic relief every now and then. The cherry blossom, sissy flower, ostrich thing is funny.

Okay, so that's it for the classmates. On to the non-classmates, miscellaneous people currently/who had been in my life. It's not ranked according to importance, maybe..

Jasmine - Thanks for accompanying me on that day when I broke up with Yongloon. You've been a pillar of support for me then. We did nothing but just normal hanging out as usual. You consoled me though I don't really need any consolation. I just laugh when you console me cos you have this child-like quality about you. Haha. But I can feel that you are there for me. You're the first friend I cried for. I remember that time when you liked Han Sen (spelling?). After we drank our vodka at the chalet, you ran outside and went missing, and there I found you, and you were crying over him. And when you cried, you made me cry with you. And we both sat there crying, hugging each other, and you offered me a tissue to wipe away my tears as I wiped away yours. I will never forget that moment. I've so much to tell you, but I think maybe I'll just find a day to tell you in real life instead of blogging here. I hope you're happy in your current relationship, and remember to go for what you want, and don't compromise and be so charitable to everyone. I hope you eventually settle down with one nice guy who's perfect for you, and whom you really love, and can take care of you for the rest of your life. I love you Jas.

Xiqing - Thanks for going to class for the first two months, then leaving me alone. LOL. But for the first two months, it was quite fun cos we still made fun of various people and laugh at people, bitch about people, gossip about people, and you're just seated beside a really cute classmate, so I can always pretend pretend to look your way and talk to you and watch him at the same time. YAY. Thanks for showing me links about some pretty people and I love it when you get the subtle jokes in the conversation. Thanks for having big eyes, slimmer figure, longer legs, and being successful in making me feel insecure. I love the time the three of us JPQ go out together. How I wish we can relive those moments again. I love you Qing.

Patrick - Thanks for being my friend. My evil twin as I always say. You're the BEST-EST friend one could ever ask for. I'm serious. SERIOUSLY SERIOUS. You never pangseh, you're never late, you're always initiating to call people, you care for your friends, you treasure relationships, you are sensitive and say the right things at the right time, you're selfless and willing to share. Don't worry, and be so thick-skinned, I won't fall for you, so you don't have to run away and hide. By the way my sis says you're very handsome and cute. LOL. And my sister is those kind of super critical kind of person. You're really my twin, same thinking about stuffs, and the mo qi is there already, haha. Thank you so much for everything. I love you Pat.

Adam - Thanks for being Adamy. LOL. But seriously, I know you're a good friend. Though you appear to be insensitive at times, you're actually considerate when you're serious. And thanks for wearing the green slippers that day when I said I missed it. It's your trademark. But please make your new pair of green slippers dirtier cos I'm not used to the neon green colour now, too bright, unlike your previous pair. Thanks for always saying I'm fat, thanks for saying I'm weird, thanks for giving me your Physics textbooks, and thanks for being a man and not get angry when I suan you. Suanning one another (Pat you me) is so fucking funny. And I hope you lose your bachelor status and be with your that girl real soon. I love you Adam.

Hor Ping - Thanks for being funny and being such a great person to hang out with. Adam+Pat+You=Fun I've always thought that you're quite unapproachable cos my first impression of you is "the tall guy who always bang his fist into the noticeboard when he comes into class", but your smile is very cute. LOL. Now that you're hanging out with us all, I'm not the youngest anymore. :( But it's okay. I won't say that I'm really that close to you yet, but I think you're quite nice. Ya, when I get to know you better than this will be extended.

Chee Chao - Thanks for always being there for me whenever I need a listening ear. Thanks for accompanying me to go Chinatown, Changi Airport, Esplanade, Marina Square, Suntec City, Citylink etc. Thanks for sharing that big pot of sha guo fan with me. And thanks for everything. You're such a good friend, and a gentleman. I remember the time when I was still full because I ate too much at Chinatown, you suggested taking a walk around first before boarding the bus, cos you were afraid that I'll vomit. I didn't even think of that myself. And when we were on the bus, and the faulty aircon kept dripping water onto my school skirt, and there were no other empty seats, you offered to change seats with me, and when I declined, you got up every thirty second and wiped the water droplets away for me. I was really very touched but I didn't say anything cos it was very unlike me to express my appreciation and say something so sissy. You always offer to help me order my food while I take my seat, you always let me suggest where to go (even though you've a place in mind). You arrive earlier than me every time we meet, and when I ask you why, you will say, "Wo pa chi dao gei ni ma." which is like so funny. You are willing to hear me out everytime I complain, and you're the best listener cos you speak at the right time, and you allow me to talk a lot, cos I'm more of a conversationalist than a listener, and you say I don't talk enough. I can write a whole blog about you, but not for now, as I've to cover others. And you're the most devoted person I've seen: to like a girl from primary school to JC. You're my idol! Thanks for being you, being so nice all the freaking time. I love you.

Soh Hoon: Thanks for being my late night chatting kaki, cos you're one night owl. You're also another one of my "twin" cos your point of views are almost the same as mine! And we both hate skinny people! GRRR. I really love you a lot man, my bitch. And I love it when we're both on the same frequency all the time. You're the only one who knows what I'm talking about: those ulu old songs, SBC TCS Mediacorp shows, old actresses, whatever shit! And I love it when we both know what each other's getting at just through eye contact. Thanks for gossiping with me, and thanks for being such a tomboyish girl, so that I won't feel left out. We hate girly girls, don't we? But I do know we have our sissy sides, and I'm very glad that you showed it to me the other day. I do think about you though we're not contacting as much as before. And I hope Justin and you get married, can I be the godmother? No chance for you to be the godmother cos I doubt I'll be getting married. I love you too much to get tied down by a guy. SEXY BITCH I LOVE YOU! MY GODDESS.

Priscilla: Thanks for being my friend. I'll never forget the times we hang out together, and your obsession with DOGS. I STILL CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LIKE DOGS THAT MUCH! But I do understand your obsession with cute guys. Hehehe. I miss the time when we order lu ji mian when we were in Sec 1, and you actually believed SH and me when we said it was called mu ji mian. You're so goddamn innocent and funny, and you're a natural. I hope you find your soulmate soon, no, fuckmate since you're so goddamn horny, you just pretend to be a goody goody. We all know that you're sexually promiscuous, get out off the closet, and show the guys your true bitch power. Like what you always say when I suan you, "GRRRR", unleash the dog inside of you. And.. I LOVE YOU PRISCILLA!

(I'm tired at this point in time, so I'll keep the rest rather short)
THE OTHERS: 2/2 2002 people

Angela: Thanks for being loud and being yourself. Class will be so awfully quiet without you.

Yinsing: Thanks for being so sweet and encouraging.

Siewlee: Thanks for creeping up on me with your long fingernails, and then touching my neck, and saying something.. Hahaha. And your obsession with Jasmine's ex, funny.

Linhui: Thanks for being my (quite) close friend for that very short period of time. And tell me about your problems and stuffs like that. I love your candidness a lot. Respect.

Melody: Thanks for being my friend, got to know you better through Jasmine and you're a loyal friend I must say. I miss the time we suan Jasmine together, and make fun of her ex boyfriends. I miss hanging out with you.

Candy: Thanks for going for Maths retests with me. And thanks for introducing me to supernatural stuffs.

Szehui: Thanks for being nice and helpful.

Amy: Thanks for being sweet and helpful.

Joanne: Thanks for being so pretty. You're the prettiest close friend (for a period of time) I've ever had, and when I didn't know you that well enough, I've always thought that you were those kind of bitch, I told you that before. I love it when we behave like lesbian couple, and I love your smile when I compliment you, and how crazy your laughter sounds. I love it when you call me "Bobo~" And I miss you a lot.

Kyah Hwee: Thanks for slacking with us though you're the vice-chairman of the CCA. You're so goddamn lenient with us and I miss the moments we have in the camp. 1988 batch is simply the best. :D

Alicia: Thanks for the happy moments when we were still good friends. Quite awkward whenever we bump into each other these days, and I wish you all the best in your current relationship.

Alison: Thanks for chatting me up in class when I'm stoning.

Miaohui: Thanks for bitching and gossiping about people with SH, Pris and me.

Elaine: Thanks for saying hi when you spot me at the bus stop months ago. I like your attitude cos you're real straightforward.

Suwei: Thanks for the time when we were hanging together. You're a non-conformist and going out with you will certainly be an interesting trip.

Xiaohui: Thanks for being so cute and blur all the time. Very cute.

Puiying: Thanks for the sweet messages you forward me every night. And thanks for accompanying me during CCA, and in camp. All the best with Yew Song. You're the first girly-girl friend I hang out with.

Cuijing: Thanks for being a good friend. You're the of the nicest girl I've seen.

Wanli: Thanks for helping me to suan Jas together.

Subing: Thanks for encouraging me during 2.4km run.

Zijie: Nice chap. Thanks for being my friend.

Chengbo: Though we've known each other quite a long time, and in the same class from 97 - 03, we're not really that close, but we always hang out with the same people. Good friend who's very loyal and supportive. Thanks for offering to walk me home at night, and stopping the cab near my house even though you're late.

Youguan: Thanks for updating me constantly during the American Idol period of time. And thanks for always going "Kopi~~~~" and making me laugh in class. Haven't seen you in a long while, hope you're doing fine. And I miss the jokes we shared. Sorry for always laughing at you too.

Cheemun: Thanks for being my sitting partner for Sec 1 and 2. I'll never forget the time when Fujin try to set us up by asking the whole NCC platoon to shout the "Cheemun zai na li. Pauline zai deng ni" crap. Sorry for the embarassment. And best of luck for the School Superstar competition. Your singing is fab, and I think you will make it to final 12, 24, whatever.

Jason (Koh): Thanks for being thoughtful at times and telling the truth during truth or dare. I'll never forget that your dick is 13cm, and I think the rest of us who played the game will remember it just as well.

Kok Siang: Thanks for telling jokes and being such a gentleman. I think you're the coolest guy in the class.

Weishan: Thanks for sharing the bed with me during chalet. While the rest think that I will rape you, but you have faith in me that I'll not. I appreciate that.

Eric: Thanks for being an eyecandy. You have the nicest eyes and I've told you time and time again until you got bored of that. And thanks for the fun times we had in the chalet.

Hwanliang: Thanks for being such a wonderful wonderful wonderful chairman! For 2/2 2002 and 3/6 2003. Mr Nice Guy as well. You're fantastic, and I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE JUST FAB! Thanks for marking my attendance when I skipped school. Thanks for the wonderful singing session in class. Thanks, you're the best.

Z-kent: Thanks for being so bloody cute. Cute+style+rich, I think you're one babe magnet. You're the first guy with small eyes who actually look this good. Yup and thanks for being the entertainer when in class. And I know you're pretty freaked out the first time I disturb you.

Jinyuan: Thanks for being a good listener on MSN some time back. I was really desperate and needed someone to talk to, and I think you were also having some probs that time. Thanks for gossiping with me, showing me cute guys link on Friendster, cute girls link too. Your taste in guys is like WOW. Kudos to you.

Yongquan: Thanks for letting me copy your Maths homework. I know I can depend on you cos your Maths is like really good.

Ziyang: Thanks for chatting me up during my CCA and your CCA, and laughing at me when I give commands.

4/6 2004

Minqi: Thanks for being such a live wire in class. The way Jas Ng and you laugh at everything. The way you two are so noisy and irritating and disturbing the class. At least the class won't be so dead. And sharing the "scolding burden" with me cos we always fail our Maths, and Ms Chua will always #$#$@%^$#^. Hope you're doing well in the US right now.

Eunice: Thanks for letting me copy during A Maths test when I know nothing about the topic. And thanks for lending me sanitary pad whenever I'm in need. LOL.

Pui Yoong: Thanks for chatting me up in class though you're real quiet as well, but I know you can be quite chatty. Maybe we belong to the "warm up to people rather slowly" category.

Jasmine (Ng): Thanks for making class time less boring with Minqi. And laughing at Mdm Quek with me. *BLINK BLINK*

Samantha: Thanks for chatting me up, though we're not close, yup, all the best in Aussie.

Huimin: Thanks for letting me to slack during PE when we're playing bball game. I know our team won't lose when there's you, and when there isn't me around. :D

Xiangyao: Thanks for being a class clown, even though you don't want to.

Edmond: Thanks for acting cute and making us laugh all the time.

Chengwei: Thanks for making us laugh.

Dylan: Thanks for being my classmate.

Yokefoh: Thanks for being my classmate.

Jieming: Thanks for being the class clown. I remember you would always get dragged around the class by the guys, and the expression on your face is so bloody funny. You're goddamn funny and you know the class loves you.

Jason (Lee): Thanks for being my classmate.

Kokmun: Thanks for closing the windows on your side cos we can't see what's written on the board. And thanks for being friendly.

Reagan: Thanks for being my classmate.

Chipang: Thanks for being so outspoken everywhere: CCA, class etc. You're really goddamn funny cos you're so bloody sarcastic all the time and your comments about everything just make me laugh. I like the fact that you're bloody straightforward and just speak your mind and don't care how others think. All the best with Cindy.

Mingyang: Thanks for being my classmate.

Dianxue: Thanks for being an eyecandy.

Kaixuan: Thanks for chatting with me during NDP and let me sms with your phone and play the games on your phone.

Hongyi: Thanks for being my classmate.

Chengyang: Thanks for always cracking lame jokes, and walk with me to the HCL room together.

Yechang: Thanks for letting us go to your house during Xmas, and thanks for showing us those porno clips. After trips to your house, I realise you're not that innocent after all, but you're a nice guy. Hahaha. Thanks for letting me sleep with your sister on her bed, I think she's cute, and I almost became a lesbian that night.

Susian: Thanks for trusting me enough to confide in me.

Xianyao: Thanks for being my classmate, from primary school till now.

PRIMARY SCHOOL CLASSMATES

BLGPS

Kexin: Thanks for being my best friend, and the gifts you bought me whenever you go overseas, and introducing me to various music.

Layning: Thanks for being my best friend, and nagging at me whenever I joke too much and when I'm not serious when I should be.

Shuyong: Thanks for being my best friend, and all the crazy moments we had, doing very very stupid stuffs.

Jieying: Thanks for being my best friend, and laughing at teachers with me, lending me PC games etc.

Salina: Thanks for being my best friend, and telling me I'm sexy all the time. Hahaha.

Jiesheng: Thanks for being my best guy friend. And all the best with Louise.

All the rest whom I can't remember: Thanks too.

NTPS

Esther: Thanks for being my best friend.

Wenting: Thanks for being my best friend.

Yongseing: Thanks for being my best guy friend. And an eye candy. And I'm glad I found you again.

Mooteng: Thanks for being my best guy friend, and always running to wave to me when I'm on the schoolbus.

Zhiren: Thanks for being my friend, and an eye candy.

Royce: Thanks for being my friend.

THE REST: THANKS, but I can't remember names now.

MISC

The first guy I like, a certain Malay guy in kindergarten/nursery: I forget your name now. But thanks for holding my hand and giving me the can ring as my ring. Sweet memories. :)

Weizhe: Thanks for giving me a pretty ring from the tikum machine, telling me that you'll marry me when you grow up. And thanks for accompanying me to play whenever our mums play mahjong together.

Shiqin: Thanks for giving me a good time chatting with you, and the penguin thingy you gave me, and the birthday card.

Fujin: Thanks for the times you charmed me, the conversations on MSN, and making me grow up, in a way.

Tiongpo: Thanks for chatting with me, sending me items in Neopets, and making me understand love a little better.

Teckmeng: Thanks for showering me with love and make me feel like a total girl. Thanks for giving me little romantic surprises. But I do know you lie to me at times, I'm not stupid, it's just that I choose to ignore it. You played a part in making me feel disillusioned about love right now, and you made me a stronger, more critical person now but thanks anyway. You showed me that I shouldn't be all nice and agreeable in a relationship. You make me the bitch I am today, cos I know being nice, isn't the way. :)

Xianyuan: Thanks for being so concerned towards me. Thanks for telling me my mistakes, and telling me what I should do, even though I don't like it. I hate your bloody preaching about Christianity and hate it even more when you're in CHC. Sorry for showing you lots of attitude when you preach. I can't stand Christians who like to tell me that the only way is through god. Oh, and thanks for being such an eye candy, and thanks for telling me that techno sucks. Thanks for updating me about soccer news, and that Italy jersey!

Ching Chong: Thanks for being the best you can be for me. I know you tried your best, you even tell Jasmine that you gave up your dignity and pride when you're with me. Hahahaha, which doesn't make me guilty at all, I feel real good. HAHAHAHA. Thanks for making me feel secure whenever I'm with you, and thanks for lashing out at people I don't like for me. Thanks for giving up smoking for me, and thanks for ALWAYS giving in to me, ALWAYS patient with me, ALWAYS saying sorry before I do, ALWAYS calling me back when I hang up on you, ALWAYS admitting that you're wrong even though you're not. I know you're really worn out by the end of our relationship, all I can say is sorry, but thanks for all you've done. I know I'm a total drama king. Looking back on the things I've done, I'm such a bastard. I'm sorry I took you for granted.

Gary: Thanks for showing me how to have a good time, and the sweet things you've done. Thanks for being the first guy who show me attitude/moodswing, you're such a man bitch at times, but a cute one.

Aiden: Thanks for guiding me along everytime, and be my pillar of support everytime I need you. Thanks for remembering what I said, what I like, and offering to travel from the East to the West just because I wanted a strawberry milkshake. Thanks for offering to send me home and accompany me to sit through from Tiong Bahru ---> Boon Lay, and then travelling back to Simei again. Thanks for showing your moody side to everyone else except me, thanks for being everything you are, thanks for tolerating me when I say you bore me. Thanks for rushing down from your meeting just to watch a movie with me. Sorry for ignoring you during my birthday celebration when you came down all the way just to hand me my gift. You're a really a good catch.

Yongloon: Thanks for making me your queen last time, being the most wonderful boyfriend you can be. Thanks for ALWAYS giving in to me, ALWAYS making me feel important, ALWAYS making me feel loved, ALWAYS saying sorry before I do, ALWAYS admitting you're at fault although you're not (but sometimes you ARE at fault), ALWAYS being so cute cos you remember stuffs which I don't even remember, ALWAYS initiating the patching up everytime I initiate a break-up. But don't be full of yourself cos you're not THAT good either, possessive jealous unreasonable smothering me when you know I need freedom. Thanks for travelling down from Eunos to Boon Lay everytime. Thanks for always arguing with me cos I know I'm very quarrelsome, and I'm so perverted I actually LOVE TO ARGUE. Thanks for promising me what you can't deliver too. We shouldn't have waste each other's time by being together last Xmas cos I believe in astrology, that Taurus-Gemini can't work out, just like Calvell and his ex, you don't like it when I mention about astro, but our breakup proved everything right, isn't it? Good luck to you and whatever girl you fancy now.

Calvell: Thanks for always initiating to be the mediator between Yongloon and I when we quarrel, which is like, everyday. We're the most stubborn people EVER, and it's been hard on you I understand. Good luck to you and whatever girl you like now.

Kenneth (Lee): Thanks for sending me Mayday songs and being such a Mayday fan! And thanks for dedicating a Mayday song to me. Thanks for camming me whenever you eat your strawberry icecream, and tempting me to just go over to your house. But Paya Lebar, too far. Thanks for being so similar with me, like liking Mayday, being a Gemini, having small eyes, liking black, liking strawberry, and so many more. Thanks for saying that I'm your soulmate at that time, and thanks for everything you've done for me.

Colin: Thanks for being a good listener when I woke you up in the middle of the night when I was having these extremely scary suicidal thoughts. I enjoy looking at your photography portfolio.

Angel: Thanks for introducing me to cool J Rock music. Thanks for being so inspirational all the time, and always initiating to chat with me on MSN. Thanks for those video conversations we had which made me laugh. You're the prettiest boy I've seen and you will look damn good if you're a girl. And I like your name, I mean, a male Angel, that's new.

Kaikim: Thanks for setting me and Aiden up. He's really a good guy, and all the best to you and Angela.

Alwyn: Thanks for sending me songs though I don't listen and trash them anyway. And thanks for setting me and Aiden up too.

Qihao: Thanks for dedicating your nick to me now, it makes me feel even sexier. Thanks for chatting me up everytime cos I don't initiate to chat, too lazy for that. You can forget about everything in the world, just don't forget my diamond. :)

Leo: Thanks for introducing me to metal music, though I don't like them. Thanks for cheering me up when I'm feeling down, and thanks for offering to treat me though I don't wanna go out at all. Lol. Thanks for all the thought-provoking stuffs you said. Yup :D

Kaiman: Thanks for chatting with me during CCA and gossiping and laughing at the teachers. :)

Jodie: Thanks for being friendly towards me during CCA.

Wendy: Thanks for chatting with me during CCA, and HCL lesson.

Magdelene (Lim): First girl I know who share the same name as my sister. Thanks for being crazy with me, like holding rock concert with brooms and dustpans, and stuffs like that.

THE OTHERS I NEVER MENTIONED: THANKS, BUT I'M VERY TIRED NOW.. You can see the words getting lesser and lesser. Yup.. Thanks.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

DADDY: YOU'RE THE MAN I LOVE THE MOST THIS LIFETIME. NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE YOU COS YOU'RE THE BEST. I BELIEVE THAT YOU REALLY LOVE ME JUST AS WELL, AND IT'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I LOVE YOU DADDY AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

MUMMY: THOUGH YOU'RE A BITCH SOMETIMES, BUT I STILL LOVE YOU AS MUCH. I KNOW YOU REALLY LOVE ME TOO.. WE'VE HAD OUR BAD DAYS, OUR CONFLICTS, OUR ARGUMENTS, OUR FIGHTS, OUR QUARRELS.. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, BUT ANYWAY, JUST THANKS. I LOVE YOU MUMMY.

SIS: WE CAN COMPLETE EACH OTHER'S SENTENCE EASILY, AND OUTSIDERS ARE PRETTY AMAZED BY THAT. WE SAY THE SAME THINGS AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, USING THE EXACT SAME TONE AND TEMPO, AND FREAK PEOPLE OUT. AND YOU'RE THE BEST SISTER ONE COULD EVER ASK FOR. BITCHY, LOVES TO ARGUE, DON'T LIKE TO ADMIT DEFEAT, DON'T LIKE TO ADMIT THAT YOU'RE WRONG, JUST LIKE ME. YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ME THE MOST, INSIDE-OUT, AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ME SO VERY WELL. MY PET PEEVES, MY BAD HABITS, MY BRA SIZE, MY WEIGHT, HOW MANY PIMPLES THERE ARE ON MY FACE, MY DEEPEST DARKEST SECRET. LIKE MY HABITS, AND I SHOW YOU MY ATTITUDE, AND YOU SHOW ME YOURS, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER. YOU'RE JUST LIKE A YOUNGER, PRETTIER, AND SLIMMER VERSION OF ME, BUT WITH MORE DETERMINATION, MORE FIGHTING SPIRIT. I LOVE YOU MAG!

And Pauline, thanks for being yourself, and being real, although being "real" means being you (bitchy, superficial, fickle-minded, hard to please, critical, irritable, moody etc). I LOVE YOU MY PAULINE!

I CAN'T EMPHASISE THIS ENOUGH. PAULINE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOR ALL MY LIFE, AND YOU SHALL BE THE ONLY ONE I LOVE..

awww

2005-12-03T02:09:00.000+08:00

http://black-stains.blogspot.com/2004/08/spinning-haiducii-dragostea-din.html

Haha this song is sooooo long ago. Patrick and I (not now anymore) can be considered the pioneer of techno music. I read some of my past entries, and I was surprised that I wasn't all that happy last year. And I realised I changed quite a lot, in terms of personality, taste, point of view.

I'm sorry sis mum dad friends I've been a prick. I get irritated easily, I do nothing but complaining, I take offence at the slighest things people say, I'm hard to please, I'm extremely critical, please don't say "I understand" why you don't, it pisses me off.

If you're a victim of my superduper moodswings every now and then. I'm sorry. (but there's nothing I can do)

2005-12-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

BLOODY LONG ENTRY AHEAD, I DIGRESSED A LOT.

I didn't realise that November was over until Mum told me, so that means, 24 more days to Christmas! Anyway, today was really special cos... I wasn't late! In fact, I'm 20 minutes early. Cos Adam repeatedly told me not to be late in his texts, so I left home (Boon Lay) at 1600 when we have to meet at 1700 at Bukit Batok MRT Station. I even miss two 174 cos it was those single-deck buses (I don't like them).

I arrived painfully early (in my opinion, cos I don't like to wait), and then texted Adam to haolian a bit. Adam told me he was waiting for HP, who would be released at 1700. So I went to the library cos I've been wanting to borrow some Stephen King books for a long time.

The library was rather empty, with only a few librarians walking around, pretending to sort out some books. From Z to O and from N to L, I walked down the row of bookshelves, and I saw "Kin" at the corner... and a stupid bloody idiot who fell asleep there.

The red lines indicates the "Kin" section, the black crown = me.

Stupid. Made me so damn pissed off. I contemplated stomping around to make him wake up...

And then Jasmine called, cos I texted her before that saying that I saw Daryl at the MRT station. She was with Patrick, so I went down and find them. Fuck. I won't forget that guy. And he was wearing a yellow shirt. PUI. I HATE YELLOW. So fucking bright.

Adam and HP reached, so all of us waited at KFC for Chengbo and his girlfriend to come. I haven't seen her before so I was kind of like asking them how she looked like. Haha. And as usual, we talked about very random stuffs like Christmas, who's going to place the order, Sun Ho and Skin boutique at Marina Square, Christianity blah blah blah. And then Chengbo and Felicia came. Hmm. Better than his ex Qiqi definitely, in terms of looks.

Jasmine had to go for her parents' birthday celebration, so the six of us went to Patrick's granny's funeral. My first time attending funeral, not counting my paternal granny #1 (I've got two paternal granny, nabei flirty gong gong) and my maternal grandpa. For once, mum was like really lenient, and she even urged me to go. Don't know why the fuck she frown whenever I say I wanna go out, but yet for the funeral, she's like so happy that I'm going. To think that people say I'm weird.

Sidetracking a little (not really a little and you will soon see that), no one understands my family situation and the problem with my mum etc. If you think you've a cocked up family (unless your parents divorced, or they're both dead because they killed each other during an intense quarrel), mine will be worse off than yours. So, look on the bright side of life. I especially feel this way after the Pulau Ubin trip with my daddy and my sis (note the absence of my mum) two days ago.

Everytime when I go out with my dad and sis, I've got this feeling that people will think Mag and I are from a single-parent family. Cos very seldom will you see two daughters going out with a dad, and the mum is not tagging along. My dad loves the nature, he likes going to Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve, Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, Labrador Park, MacRitchie Reservoir, Bukit Batok Nature Reserve, Botanical Garden, Telok Blangah Hill Park etc.

That childlike expression on his face whenever he spots a mudskipper and he's like totally mesmerised with the surrounding. I love that look on his face. He will always smile, and his eyes will twinkle in a way when he does that. He's always the first to spot those little details, and I'll always be the last, going "Where?! Where?!!" He is patient with me and asks me to calm down whenever I get frustrated because I can't spot it fast enough, and then it's gone.

Trips are always fun with him around cos he's spontaneous and adventurous. Mag takes after him, cos she's free-spirited and love exploring and don't mind getting dirty. I'll always be the spoilsport cos I'm always complaining that it's too hot, it's so boring, I'll get dirty, will they bite me, and the list goes on. And for goodness sake, I don't fucking know how to cycle, which makes Ubin trip even less exciting (for them), cos Daddy has to rent those bicycles for two.

During our last trip to Ubin (which was two days ago), I tried cycling with Daddy's help, and I could manage for like 5 seconds, before I put my feet on the ground again. I'm afraid of falling onto the ground, it was those tarred road, I'm afraid of.. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I just have both my feet on the ground instinctively. Whenever my feet are on the peddles, I've this feeling, "Oh no I can't balance. I'm gonna fall."

Maybe I'm too afraid of failing. My pride ALWAYS get into the way when I do things. And then Dad suggested that the learning will stop for that day cos we still had lots to cover. When Mag and Dad were in front of me, I vent my anger on the straying branches which stood in my way.

When I was on the bicycle again with Dad, he said softly, "You're just not as adventurous as your sister, she's not afraid of anything, just like a daredevil, and she picks up fast, cos she's confident." I swear I've never felt so much like a loser before. I've this feeling that I've been letting Dad down, for too many times. I've been his pride, his joy, his trophy to show off to the relatives when I was a kid, but what am I now? I don't know. I don't have confidence in anything, and I don't believe in anything either. Sad to say, not even myself.

Leaving aside these emotional stuffs, the Ubin trip was quite fun. :) I love my Dad and sister, and sometimes my Mum. Cos she can be a prick at times. When we came back, she uttered something to herself again, and she greeted my sister with strings of expletive when she saw the cuts on her knees. I'll submit her name to the Guinness Book of Record if there's a "Know The Most Hokkien Vulgarities" category.

But she's completely opposite when she talks to her neighbours and friends. She will be EXTREMELY cheerful and helpful to them. The neighbours part is okay, cos the neighbours she talks to are of good characters. But her friends totally suck. One is a drunkard who always come and find her whenever she has got no money, got dumped by her boyfriend, who is a mutual friend between my mum and her, or she has got lots of other problems. Her name is Doris.

Doris is a crippled woman in her late fourties I suppose, who got crippled because she threatened to jump down the car (in the end she really jump down, dumbass) if her boyfriend still wanted to break up with her (eavesdrop their conversation in Hokkien). She walks like a zombie because she's intoxicated 24/7, and nono, not from margarita or rum, but some cheapo beer I've never heard of)

She talks like she's been slowmotioned on WMP, and she's got this distant look in her eyes, and not in a good way. She tells my mum the good memories she had in her relationship, and how her boyfriend (actually ex, but she's living in self denial) fucked her, how she enjoyed it. It's NOT that I wanna hear that, the more I try to shut myself out, the more I couldn't, you know, that kind of feeling. It totally grossed me out and I think her description of sex makes me wanna remain a virgin/not get married/not get into a relationship/not be interested in guys for all my life.

Shit you man Doris. If I remain a spinster this lifetime, you're so gonna remain as a crippled, no, wait, even worse, you're gonna be wheelchair bound your next life. And Doris always disappear whenever she strikes lottery. I don't know why she so heng, maybe god (just a saying, not that I believe in god anyway) pitied her cos she's so fugly and fat (she's got a bigger butt than me, I'm dead serious) and nobody will be willing to fuck her, so she's to offer ALL of the money she get from the lottery prize to get someone to fuck her. That poor guy probably have to put a Marilyn Monroe mask on her face, stuff her mouth with 5 packets of M&Ms to prevent her from making unnecessary noise, take some illegal drugs to get real high to the point where he can't differenciate Karen Mok and Patricia Mok (by the way I love the two Moks. The former shares the same birthday as me, and the latter is quirky and I love her style)

On to the second friend, this person called Ah Yong. She's got speech problem and you can't really decipher what she's talking about unless you pay attention. Mag and I love to imitate the way she talk, and my mum reprimanded us at first, but secretly laughed when we did that. She always borrow money from my mum, and is pretty much a bootlicker who pays compliment insincerely. She always like to ask Mag, "Mei mei, yao qu na li ah?" when she goes out, and Mag will smile in return, and then quickly turned and face me, rolling her eyes.

But she doesn't dare to talk to me. Whenever I come home, and she's around, I'll just say "Auntie" if I'm in a fantastically good mood, or I'll just pretend she's not there when I'm moody (which is normal). Mag says she's a victim and she envies me cos I don't have to deal with her. Maybe I've this "I-don't-wanna-talk-to-you-so-you-better-fuck-off-and-don't-speak" face. My mum says my face, "kanna chao bor" (like smelly cloth) and my dad says my face is like constantly black and ask me to smile more. But this face comes in useful when dealing with such people. I don't like to be forced to entertain people when I don't want to.

And that reminds me.. During my ah gong's funeral in June this year, my mum's friend (another one I hate) called Or Leng (Black Dragon) came to pay his last respect for my grandfather. And he said he wanna see me, but I kept staying beside my grandpa's coffin burning incense papers, and didn't want to go out. Mum knew I hate him, so she gave up after urging me for 5 minutes to come out and talk to him. Mum usually win, but not this time. Dad said I was being very rude (okay so what) and demanded me to go and say "Hi" at least.

"But I don't like him!"
"What do you mean you don't like him. I don't get it. People come all the way to attend your grandfather's funeral, and you just sit inside there not even saying hi. He's our old neighbour, he's my friend, your mother's friend. You should respect..."
I cut him off.
"All the way? From Holland V to Ghim Moh is called all the way? It's within walking distance! I said, I don't like him. And papa, you're teaching me to be like a hypocritical person. I don't like to be forced to do stuffs. So what if you finally get me there right in front of him to say a hi? Do you think it will still be sincere? You should know I don't like to be.."
He cut me off.
"I don't care. What I know, is basic respect, it's basic courtesy, just go up, say hi, and then you can leave. What's so difficult about that?"
"I just don't like the way you're forcing me okay. I'm seventeen! Not seven, yes maybe when I'm seven I'll just stupidly go in front of him and say hi, and that's because you told me to. Didn't you say I'm a grown up now? And back to the matter of sincerity and hypocrisy, I believe I'm right. And you know I'm right, you adults just like to be so (I forget the exact word I use) all the time!"
Mum chupped in.
"Gao liao. Yi mai ki tio mai gio yi ki. Mai tio mai. Sua liao"
(Enough, if she doesn't want it, don't force her.)

I looked around me, and my auntie (uncle's wife) and my uncle was staring at me with their mouths open. I'm serious, it's open. I guess they were really shocked because I was thought of as a very obedient child when I was young, and maybe even quiet. I don't like to speak up cos I wanna portray this goody-goody image in front of my relatives. And then the auntie, who is very bitchy (all the aunties will secretly agree with me, even my parents) shot me this look which says, "Woah, Bao Lin hen mei you li mao, na li ke yi zhe yang jiang hua." and she's like almost going to start lecturing me.

I was really damn fucking dulan so I just gave her a lanjiao bin which says, "Mind your own business. And you don't wanna talk to me right now cos I very pekchek." And true enough, her face totally change, she pretended to clear the cups on the table and then looked away. I don't know what the hell got into me at the point of time, now when I reflect and think, it was one of the few times I actually flared up. Lol. And then my cousin, who saw the whole episode gave me a thumbs up from afar, and said "Hiong ah." And I started smiling.

Maybe you don't agree with what I've done.. I don't think I'm totally right either. But I just HATEHATEHATE being forced, it brings out the rebellious streak in me. And why I hate this person so much is because.. (sorry this entry is very long cos I can't get to sleep)

He is one of those tangkees. And I think he's fake. My family was in financial problem and my dad always ask him to come over our house and conduct those rituals, asking god this and that. And so, he always came over to our house, and I suspect he's got a liking for my mum, cos he appears so chummy with her, which I FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING hate. No amount of FUCKING hate can bring my point across.

Cos my parents were already not on good terms then. And I see him as a destroyer, someone who will take away my only source of protection, happiness and love. I hate it when he tells raunchy details about his sex life to my mum. I can still remember, he told mum that he likes to stuff chili up his partner's genitals, and my mum still jokingly asked him what's his reaction. Yes, she's joking, but it was like utmost betrayal to me. She's sort of like flirting with him. She can ask him to bloodily stop this subject about sex, but she didn't.

And he always invite my mum over to his house, to drink, to talk, I don't know. And I hate it. Everytime when my mum's still out with him at night, I can't sleep well, I'll be thinking what they're doing. I was only seven then. And my mind was warped, in a way, you can say that I'm more matured and informed than kids my age. I wondered if Mum will ever cheat on Dad.

When he talked to me, he would say, "Ah lin, ____________________" I don't like that. I'm not close to him. Who gave him the rights to call me that! I showed resentment towards him, I will show him attitude, and he will always try to act like he's the victim in front of my mum, which made my mum scold me, and makes me hate him even more. He's touchy, and he likes to touch my arms or my hair when he talks, which I hate. I remember there's this once when he touched my hair, I went to take a shower immediately, and my mum saw it.

And once during the ritual, the god said he/she wanted to talk to me, he called for me, "Tan Poh Lynnnnn!" in Hokkien and then asked me, "Li bo su ka ji kor tang kee si bo?" (You don't like the person doing this ritual right?" At seven, I was still quite young and pretty freaked out by the red lights and the evil looking statues. He was talking in a weird manner and his breath reeked of alcohol. My whole body was shivering as I was made to kneel down before the altar. I lied, and said "Mei you."

He proceeded to ask again and there were already tears in my eyes. I looked into his eyes with hatred and think that he's really despicable. Cos the whole thing is made-up, but I can't understand why I was so scared if the whole thing was made up.. My dad saw that I'm on the verge of crying, so he asked me to go the bedroom and rest.

For the whole time, I was cursing him, "Go and die. Qu si ba!" If he was to carry out the whole ritual again right now, I'll be brave enough to take him on. But when I was seven.. He's really fucking despicable and he's the person I HATE most in my life.

So now, does that justify my reason for not wanting to say hi to him?

Back to my mum, I don't know why she's so moody and grouchy all the time. But sometimes when I just casually mention that I love potato, I'll have curry potatoes, steamed potatoes, potatoes with mushrooms for the subsequent days. I know she loves me. She admitted she loves me more than she loves Mag a few years back when she hit me. She was crying when she said that. Whenever I'm mean to my mum, I will think of her good points. Maybe she's going through menopausal stage. It makes me feel better. But sometimes she just makes me so overwhelmed with anger. The power of vulgarities.

Back to original topic. Dad fetched me from the funeral and we went to buy oyster omelette for Mag and rojak for Mum. In the end, mum went out again. Plus point: won't get scolded for staying up late, Neg: Makes me feel uneasy and moody cos I'll be thinking about the same thing again. Argh. Nvm, at least I've SH to chat with now, she's a good chat. And I feel so much better after blogging out my thoughts.

rocket queen says:
omg
rocket queen says:
youre ...
rocket queen says:
so...
rocket queen says:
accurate!

She was telling me something about her relationship. Hmm. Relationships really make
people @$#@#$$#@@$@#$@. I was quite pleased when she said that I was accurate in my analysis. I like it when I get things right. I know I'm right.

I don't want anything right now. I just want to be happy. :)

PS: CC owes me a treat at Marina Square! YAY! Will treat after he gets his pay and after the exams. SH wants to go to the pub/anywhere for drinking. Anyone keen to go? And oh Christmas Christmas! Money money work work!

0443: Still talking to SH and Weiming together. Two Geminis One Sagittarius. Man... Hahaha. I CAN'T SLEEP!

2005-11-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

I feel very bad... Really.
Sorry...
I don't know why I'm like that.
I'll get out of this asap.
Yes, okay I'm weird, I won't defend myself cos that's the truth.
I know you're angry with me.
And I don't quite know what to say.
You know I'm like that when it's time to be serious.
I know you won't get to read this
But I hope someone convey this to you.
Or maybe I'll post up the archive link some time soon.
I don't know.
Just hope that you'll cheer up
Remember F****, the way she practises her kungfu.
The times when I imitated the way she talk.
The way she hisses like a snake.
The way you PSSSST her and made me laugh
Which attracted stares from the ahpehs and ah mms.
And H***B**, the way you EEURRGGH when I say she's average looking.
The way she reacts to everything, you know, that look on her face.
How can we forget S**Y***
The girl who's got more leg hair than me+you together.
The girl who's got equally small eyes as me.
Hamster. Hamtaro. The way we like to imitate her.
Scratch scratch. Yawn. Haha, you know what I mean.
D**P*, I swear she's your long lost relative.
The way she "WHHHHAAAATTT" with that stupid accent.
And all the I*d*** girls who are/were your exgirlfriends
You're so sway cos they always pass by.
B***W**, my "younger husband" who looks as chaolao as me.
The way he always kpo and eavesdrop and think we don't know.
And I remember you've got this bloody emoticon
Which fucking looks like Boon Wah.
"Adam" from 4/4, F***** from 4/2, S***** from 4/6.
And you will always refer to them as the 1989s.
And there are still a lot out there...
Dimsum auntie who called me "xiao mei".
The same dimsum auntie who flirted with you.
Your friend who said I'm your younger sister at JE.
When you're like TOTALLY sissyfied at Creative.
When I told you my mum suspected you as my boyfriend.
When I asked you to open your door a little wider.
(okay not only a little)
When I took your class tee and said I probably can't fit in.
When you look at me wearing your class tee with that stupid look.
When your friends asked about me after you put some MSN nick.
When I borrowed $1 from Adam to take a bus.
When I sms Adam, "You hurt my fat and fragile heart."
When we hid Adam's green slippers and scared him.
When Adam ACTUALLY lost his green slippers. (thrown)
When we found the used condom at the staircase.
When I stood under the stupid sign at NTUC.
When you told me "your relatives" very noisy at night.
When you geysiao wanna bring up SUBJECTS Adam doesn't know.
When Adam's mum wanna charge you for instant noodles.
When we eat a lot of Adam's instant noodles.
When on Adam's bed and you were scared that I'd spoil it.
When we choose the priciest BK meal using coupons.
When you think the teachers don't believe you're taking CL.
When you guys will ALWAYS find place to sit while we girls shop.
When you fucking fell asleep when we were on the phone.
When you SNORED and tried to come up with lots of excuses.
When I went for the wrong time for wrong papers (a lot of times)
When Jasmine, you and I climbed the rooftop to take pictures.
When I tore my skirt.
When Corpse Bride pissed you off cos they kept singing.
When you always avoid the sun by walking quickly.
When you stay in the shade while waiting for the green light.
When SOMEONE fancied you.
When you asked me to send you mushy messages to get rid of her.
When you thought she sniffed when she saw my messages. *so sad*
When Jasmine and I kept making faces at you on 174.
When.. wait, I don't wanna mention fugly people on my blog.
I'm sure there's more, but I'm lazy (infected by you)
I'll add them as time goes by.
If they all fail to make you laugh..
There's still me, if you're not pissed with me.
Fat with wobbly everywheres.
Yes big face.
Yes round face.
Yes small eyes.
Yes no lashes.
Yes moustache.
Yes white.
Yes fat okay fat okay FAT!
But you know you love me.
Pau(not)line (not)Tan Bao (not)Lin
Yes, pun intended.
And we'll look forward to Christmas together. :)

2005-11-27T02:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SHALALALA. :)

Finished Anna Smith's Spit Against The Wind, I like it, cos it's based in Scotland. I was thinking about Franz Ferdinand (the band, not that archduke) all of the time when I was reading it. I like stories set in 1920-1960. :) Now reading Leonard Goldberg's Fever Cell. I don't know if I'll like it. Halfway through Stephen King's The Dark Half. I can't bloody concentrate, shall spend tomorrow reading (like today), then I can start on another one, King will be on hold. Dad and Mum bought the new magazines already, the daily papers, random blogs... I love reading!

I'm in a great mood these few days cos daddy is.

Magdelene: Daddy, what's our blood type huh? O right?
Me: I think should be O+
Dad: Z.
Mag+Me: ???
Dad: *plunges into the mattress and act cute with the pillow in his face* ZZZZZZZ. Cos I love to sleep. Hehehe.

2005-11-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

I've always thought that, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is a cliche. And now I realise, it's true afterall. I'm REALLY okay. And this is not something that I wrote "just to show the whole world I'm okay but I'm crying myself to sleep every night". Get what I mean, right?

You know something, I just find that it's like totally absurd if you say I still haven't got over it. Like Patrick, if you're reading this, tell me how you feel about Alicia now? Like Jasmine, if you're reading this, tell me how you feel about Jeremy now?

It's this case for me as well, I feel like, totally nothing at all towards this person whom I once.. liked. I can only say like, cos the "Get-Over-It" period for this relationship was rather short, as compared to the previous two (cos I was still young, and still very much influenced by crappy Chinese music.. PUI.)

The GOI period, I was quite sad, but not till the extent of devastation. If you think I'm like totally wrecked because of this one person, let me tell you, you've overestimated him and underestimated me (I know I'm moody, but I can be pretty optimistic and happy AT TIMES, too)

I was actually on the verge of breaking down because of the approaching Os (I don't wanna disappoint my dad) and when that shit happened during that period of depression... I don't know how to phrase this, but it's like, every little emotion (except happiness, cos there isn't any at that point of time) gets magnified 1000000000%. That shit sort of like gave me an excuse to be depressed (came at the appropriate time). Like normally, people will be sad because of a failed relationship, rather than the examinations which are approaching.

I said, normally. Am I normal. I don't know, but.. hmm..

And then I become this drama queen.. Fuck.

And now as I reflect and analyse, it's not because of the shit, it's because of the Os. But I'm a wussy, to be intimidated by papers. Lol. But whatever, that isn't the main subject.

Maybe it's because I'm older and more cynical now, so therefore I will not expect anything much out of a relationship, and when shit happens, it's not that bad afterall. I don't think I'll ever get married leh, you people can start crying now, cos the world will be so deprived of beautiful beings without my offsprings.

To clarify, I'm not depressed now or anything. I don't know how you people get that impression. Maybe it's because I always stay at home, and don't wanna go out etc. Think again, I'm a Gemini (if you believe in astrology), I've my moodswings (why I've my moodswings I DON'T KNOW. Go ask Mdm Chang lor she's more pro than me) every now and then. I'd rather keep to myself then go out of control and take it out on someone. It's not very nice.

And while we're at that, Geminis can get over relationships pretty quickly. So.. yup. And I've a new love (okay lah not really new cos I've had crushes for him since my primary school days) - TAKESHI KANESHIRO. HOHOHO. I want to watch that movie! Although it's a chinese movie but who cares when my ai ren is in it!

PS: Please tell me if you've read this entry, cos I wrote this entry just to tell you guys, I don't like to talk about relationship problems as you know, so.. ya, I wanna remove this entry asap. And oh ya Pat, I don't know why the fuck you choose to believe.. Nvm.

"We could be anyone we wanted to in our dreams. We were cowboys, riding imaginary horses across grassy plains, clearing fences and firing guns from pointed fingers, then falling down clutching wounds that weren't there."

2005-11-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

I pressed the bell and dashed down the bus as soon as I saw The Conductor. Finally I saw Him. I've been trying my luck all these while.. and I'm extremely lucky to escape this time. :)

Passed Ivan $10 for yearbook. I'm so broke now. Eyecandy was there. Made my trip to the school worthwhile. :)

Met up with CC and went Bugis. Ate @ Bugis, went BV, only three movies, Harry Potter Zathura and Emily Rose :(

Went OG. Cheap Levis Jeans. :)

Took neoprints + took away CC's neoprint-virginity. HOHO :D

Lazy to snap the rest. (not me who wrote the DIAO)

Went City Link. Saw Jason. Ate @ City Link. :)

Went Suntec City Mall. Only three movies. :(

Went Marina Square. Finding Millenia Walk. :)

Also only three movies @ Marina. WTF :(

Found Millenia Walk. Went to Candy Empire. :DDDDDD

Back to City Link and ate @ City Link. :)

Lazy... but I wanna note down stuffs for the day. Oh yah I found something @ Marina which I wanna buy. Some accessories. PAULINE PLS BE REMINDED TO GET THEM THE NEXT TIME U GO.

Mostly :) - GOOD DAY. Off to sleep.

2005-11-23T03:24:00.000+08:00

It's so funny so many people wanna play god (yes no caps so what shut up)

It's funny how the news talk about people and stuffs from the blogosphere when, initially, it was the other way round.

It's funny why some people wanna lie blatantly when they know the other party knows it.

It's so funny how I look forward to Xmas cos it's getting nearer, but yet I feel that it's still far away.

It's funny that I can't fall asleep though I'm like mentally and physically drained. And I tried my very best not to nap..

It's funny the way I blabber at night in my blog because I'm feeling.. tipsy? Not exactly tipsy, but that airy feeling you get when you're intoxicated.

It's so funny I'll be watching the match later just because of one botak fellow.

ALAN SMITH YAYYYY. :D

Sometimes.. Have you wonder if you've got a split personality or something?

And I've got this feeling that I think too much, I don't wanna be disappointed again.

NVM. ALAN SMITH WOOOOOHOOOOO!

2005-11-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

WARNING: This entry is like totally #%#$%#$.

I'm such a loser. I look forward to the chalet, and yet I don't feel like going right now. Quite a few people asked why I never go, I don't know how to answer. I forgo the Friday drinking session cos I wanted to go to the chalet. Then, when I know that I'm not going to go, I'm also too lazy to even go out. I don't know if I'm going to the other one on 27th. It's still too early to say anything. You know something, I hate to promise people, cos I hate responsibility.

I'm very tired, even when there's no alarm clock to wake me up. I'm very tired, even though I'm not doing anything at all. It's like I'm so fucking tired, and lazy. I always complain about boredom and loneliness, but yet I enjoy solitude. Label me a social misfit. Whatever.

I've got this feeling that I'll be alone this Christmas. ARGH. AIYAH I DON'T KNOW LA. I'm not depressed about anything either, cos I've already left the past behind me, and I'm like so happy, cos I never thought it will be this easy. Like my mum say she's going to throw away the things he gave while I was surfing, I was like, "Yeah go ahead and throw." It was like totally subconscious cos I spoke to her in English. (she doesn't speak English)

Okay, done my complaining. It's quite interesting sometimes.. when I read my entry, I start most sentence with "I". That sort of tells you what kind of person I really am. Whatever. I'm going to read Carsten Stroud's Black Water Transit now. Hopefully it's nice. And up next will be Stephen King's The Dark Half, which I gave up halfway (cos I was reading The Hobbit at the same time) I think I got influenced by my sis to go back to reading fiction. She's really a voracious reader. (can finish one Harry Potter book in a day, can finish two relatively thick books in a day)

Make my wish come true, ohhh, all I want for Christmas is you...

CHRISTMAS!!!

2005-11-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

I'm really looking forward to Christmas now. Yup it's a little too early, but I can't help it. Christmas carols are shuffled+repeated in WMP and I tell you, they really help if you're feeling depressed and stuffs. Pat says he's gonna lend me Christmas carol CDs. :) Guess what he did today?

He confessed to me! Haha. I knew it. I mean how can you not love me, right, when I'm so..

Pretty.

It makes my day when I know I make someone's day. And especially if that someone is important to you. Actually I'm really glad that I'm..

Fat. (Take note of the sign behind. It was taken at Wheelocks Place)

I mean, if it helps to cheer you friends up, it should be a pretty good thing right. YES I'm fat YES I'm fat, YES I'm immuned to your attack! Weak rhyme lol. Seems like all of us have accepted our flaws after years of suanning each other: Patrick and his supposedly TANNED/BROWN skin.

Patrick on the left, Pauline on the right. Okay, this piece of information is pretty redundant.

Adam and his G-ness. It can be giamness/gayness. (Adam if you're reading this, it's ONLY* a joke okay?) * - who are we kidding here?

Who will snatch a Barney from me? Only someone gay enough to LIKE Barney, and only someone giam enough to LIKE Barney and not buy it himself.

Jasmine and her lack of legs. She said that herself, not me. Personally, I think her legs are okay. So maybe the biggest flaw is the.. 13123116465456456413214641214646574874545 boyfriends. I shan't post their pics here cos firstly, it will take years to load, secondly, I don't have their pics, but most importantly, I just don't wanna scare you people off. I'll leave the intepretation up to you guys. :)

Taken a few months ago.

I don't know how the hell she manage to smile so cheerfully for EVERY pic, albeit a little fake, but HOW? And I always have this Permanent Sian Look on my face, no wonder some people say I'm dao. Anyway this happened a few days ago.

*I was looking at the board for the seating arrangement*
Random Person: Hello.
I continued looking at the board cos I didn't know he was talking to me.
Random Person: Harllllow!!!
I turned and looked at him.
Random Person: Wah why you so dao one, never reply...
I gave an apologetic and awkward smile.
I: Hello. :)

I think I've got a problem. I don't know how to react or socialise. Damnit. Is it weird? No, right? But I'm quite different once I open up to you, I think. Is this bad?

Another one of those pic when Jasmine has this :D look. She looks cute when she's flashing her pearlies, she's got this innocent look.

She's smiling, and I'm not smiling, again. Yup I'm pale but don't compare me to F****. I pale in comparison to F****. Okay not funny. Go surf www.sillypuns.com if you're bored. If you don't get at least 50% of the jokes there, you're probably retarded.

I digressed too much. Now back to Xi Qing. She's accepted herself as a bimbo already after so many incidents, and that blonde hair.

But she's a cute bimbo. Looks sweet here omg. And Jasmine looks cute too with trademark :D After looking at this pic, I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WITH DOUBLE EYELIDS.

Nevermind, there's Adam. :) But his eyes not small. :(

HP Adam Patrick @ Cafe Cartel.

Edited this. With his current MSN nick. And Adam if you're reading this, give me copyright fee for using that nick okay!

Oh ya, found this pic on my com. I miss my chair! :(

I miss my queen chair.

Okay this is quite a pointless entry. So I'll end with a pointless pic. Bah, I'm going to bed.

Sis took it when I was sleeping. Damn funny my position.

Goodnight. Oh before I say good night, here's something.

You are hurting my thin but fragile heart says:
u shooting me isit?
SANTA, pls make jask have less bf, adam more gf, pat fairer, and xq smarter. says:
where got?
You are hurting my thin but fragile heart says:
no confirm got hidden meaning 1
SANTA, pls make jask have less bf, adam more gf, pat fairer, and xq smarter. says:
...........................
SANTA, pls make jask have less bf, adam more gf, pat fairer, and xq smarter. says:
u dont be a ccf can annot. zzz.
SANTA, pls make jask have less bf, adam more gf, pat fairer, and xq smarter. says:
next time dont blog abt u or edit ur pics alr
You are hurting my thin but fragile heart says:
ok sorri
SANTA, pls make jask have less bf, adam more gf, pat fairer, and xq smarter. says:
or else u think too much think i shooting u or whatever
You are hurting my thin but fragile heart says:
my fault
You are hurting my thin but fragile heart says:
please contine or c my nick

LOL. Okay, good night!

-edited at 0227-

Pat texted me this.
"Knn gt 1 si ahneh dwnstairs road riding bike blast ahneh music. Nvm, RIDE UP AND DOWN tmd bloody relatives"

Note words in BOLD. LOL. And suddenly I feel very happy, cos SH msg me on MSN and sent me some old pics, Jasmine msg me and talk (VERY VERY VERY SELDOM), was conferencing with Adam and Patrick earlier on, and Xi Qing msg in the afternoon on MSN too. Sounds sissy, but I feel RRRRRRREALLLY happy, like.. I don't know how to explain.. :)

To Adam and Patrick: Both of you are good looking, don't make me choose, okay? One is my ex boyfriend, one is my current boyfriend (interchangeable), I love the both of you, okay?

Adam dumped me but it's okay cos he's really a nice chap who's straightforward yet sensitive. And he also has a flair for music, violinist, artistic sia, I like. Not like those ROCKSTAR WITH LONG HAIR (I NEVER HINT!), he's a potential classical musician, just whether he wants to do it or not. Like what Shakespeare said, TO BE OR NOT TO BE THAT'S THE QUESTION.

Patrick lifted me up (not literally, cos no one can) when I was going through depression period when Adam dumped me (BOOHOOHOO) and cheered me up with his sweet talking. He is sweet and sincere, and will always send Chinese love songs to me though he knows I hate listening to them (both Chinese/soppy songs). He's just trying to make me feel IN LOVE. He's also very considerate and will ask me to stop missing him and just go to sleep. He's my Jesus, and my blog is his bible. Wait, did I mention that I'm an atheist?

I know I'm the best girlfriend EVER though I'm fat, have small eyes, have moustache, very weird. Anyone wants to be my boyfriend? Or anyone wants to be their girlfriends? Can kindly msg me on MSN. I guarantee you no rejection. We can have some mass loving cos WE NEED LOVE!

I'll love to re-live this day, over and over again. Moments like this, you just wanna sing "What a wonderfullll worrrldddd" to yourself, smile, and fall asleep.

PS: Sorry if there are lots of typo.. I'm REALLY tired and my eyes are non existant AS FOR NOW.

2005-11-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

HP Pat and I, went to find Jas @ Orchard. Saw a couple of cute girls at Wisma. Took neoprints with HP Pat Jas. Met up with auction seller with Jas and she got her bag. Went to PS to exchange vouchers. Went to Cafe Cartel, ordered some frappes, calamari and wedges, sat there and wait for Adam and XQ. Went to walk around and took neoprints again with all of them. Walk walk walk, talk talk talk, gossip gossip gossip, it's like sooooooo fun hanging out with them. I know when you guys read this, it probably sound very gay. But.. I love you all so much, esp JPQ, my flirty-but-can-be-faithful-at-times Jas my evil-twin-who-is-actually-super-nice Pat and my blonde-and-looks-like-HEI-SHE-HUI Qing. :)

I give up and I will stand my ground for now. I just want a Merry Christmas, really. I hope my wish will be fulfilled, with all the nice people around me. And I hope their wishes will be fulfilled too. I mean, the close and nice people only. The rest I don't give a fuck so I hope you get fucked in your ass by a Herpes-infected donkey and die. You know, all the (ugly) lightings and decorations got me excited for Xmas already. Oh yah and I can't emphasise how much I love you people, and hope times like this, will last.

Someone upload the neoprints pretty please.

-edited at 1931-

Taken with the lousy webcam. We look like two couples LOL. HP and Jas, Pat and I. The angle is damn misleading LOL. I look like I'm lying on Pat's chest and HP looks like he's hugging Jas from the back. And Pat looks damn ~~black~~ tanned beside me. ;D

2005-11-10T13:15:00.000+08:00

5W1H

How are you
Where are you now
Why suddenly like that
When is it going to happen
Who are you referring to
What should I do

and blink 182's i miss you repeats in the player for the 8813194th time.

*edited at 2102*
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
u can make the first move lor
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
get yr ans once and for all
says:
scared
says:
sound v sissy right
says:
lol
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
come on
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
u r a girl
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
u should sound sissy

I really think I'm fucking sissy when it comes to affairs of the heart. I hate to sound like a wimp and do the "oOhH hOw i mIsShh hImz" thing. It's like.. FUCK, NO WAY! But I really can't stand it anymore so I gotta confide to someone. And I got this verge of breaking down time and again (another sign of extreme sissy-ness/self-pity/"act angsty" whatever) And there I go again. I think I irritate CC a lot with my problems. My apologies. :(

says:
WAHLAO I CANT STAND MYSELF WO HEN SISSY
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
U R A GIRL
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
U SHOULD SOUND SISSY
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
UNDERSTAND?
Stop Makelele and you stop Chelsea? says:
NO WRONG WIF THAT

Hahah. Can see that CC quite pissed off with me. LOL. I'm really a total wussy.

2005-11-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

its like rushing to finish your homework even though you're suffering from a terrible hangover, only realising that you don't have to hand up that piece of work at all.

its like going to mcdonalds with that little piece of coupon, only realising that it has already expired. yesterday.

its like compromising myself to go to the mama shop to buy gums because im in need of shilling, only realising that its closed cos of deepavali.

its like waiting for the bus stop for 157 for an hour, only realising that sbs changed the route.

its like climbing up countless flight of steps, only realising that no one is at home, and you havent brought your keys along.

its like wanting to call someone on your cell, only realising the batt went flat cos of your sis excessive camwhoring.

its like entering the door, feeling so fucking hungry that u can gobble up , only realising that they didnt cook your share of dinner.

its like gaming for hours, and when you reached that certain new level, the com hanged on you.

i made all these up. but let me tell you its even more pathetic. its like...

2005-11-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I'm sorry you have to see this, but...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

2005-11-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

"i'm just like putty... putty in your hands.."

now i finally know how that feels.

2005-11-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

Don't know why I'm so happy now. :) Been soooooooo long since I keep grinning until my face is totally like totally RED and my mouth aching from all the conversation you bring me joy like no others i dont even know what im typing i know ive got lotsa typo cos im grinning so hard i barely can see what im typing dont laugh at me wahaha i just need a release and whenever i hear blink 182's i miss you i just sulk cos i think about stupid things but now im grinning okay i overuse the word remember i dunno what im typing im like grinning until i dunno wtf and my fingers just cant stop moving and blink 182s in the background singing "dont waste ur time on me ur already the voice inside my head" i miss you. suddenly its like a totally different song so happy. this is another one of those mad posts i dunno im mad.. mad abt u. wahahahaha. hello there the angel of my nightmare lalala. we'll wish this never ends.. mum is looking at me now so im trying my very best not to burst out laughing, i tell u, the joy is like oil oozing out from pork lard, fats bulging from tight outfit and i dunno, like whiteheads when u squeeze ur nose really hard. rofl im crazy wahhhhhhhhh and tmrs like emaths and ss and here i am, but im like really so happy i cant slp. the only worry is whether i'll be able to sustain this happiness, or not. touchwood. wahhhhhhhhh really very happy okay enough abt all this. i'll delete this post just need somewhere to type hehehehe. SHIT OMG THATS GAY.

2005-11-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Do what you must if that's what you wish,
I can't be a party to this.
You have the sense that you were born with,
You'll find a way to make things right.

I'm experiencing this rapid hope loss. I hate angsty posts. Fuck.

2005-11-01T14:28:00.000+08:00

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim, of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you

Where are you, and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I can not dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight,
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you

Dedicated to someone who probably wouldn't read this. I don't think I'll blog unless I get an indication that you've read this. But wait, I don't think you'll visit my blog, leh. You also not online. AIYAH IM A WUSSY AND A TOTAL LOSER LAH.

2005-10-30T20:52:00.000+08:00

Here's a quiz.

Jay Chou

Rain

William Tanoto

Zhang Shan Wei

Chen Shui Bian

Jordan Chan

Wong Hei

Junichiro Koizumi

Park Ji Sung

Now tell me, what's the similarity between them, and why are they linked to me? If you get the correct answer, you will get one year supply of Pauline.

PS: I'm trying to destress cos Mrs Yip just called me. :(

2005-10-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

I'm so pathetic I take tests to find out more about myself. But it's kinda addictive.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Well at least I was being honest. I don't think the results are very accurate.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Very High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Hmm.

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from bipolar disorder. Grr.

When you've braved through everything all by yourself, do you think you will still need a companion? I'm running out of stuffs to type and I'm miserably moody today, well actually just like any other day. Grr. How annoying.

2005-10-26T10:00:00.000+08:00

**~~Top Songs & Other Music Stuff~~**
Top 5 Love Songs
1.:	Art Garfunkel - All I Know
2.:	The Kinks - All Day And All Of The Night
3.:	Aqualung - Brighter Than Sunshine
4.:	Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
5.:	Evanescence - My Immortal
Top 5 Sad Songs
1.:	Gary Jules - Mad World
2.:	Evanescence - My Immortal
3.:	Seether - Broken
4.:	Finch - Letters To You
5.:	Coldplay - The Scientist
Top 5 Angst-Ridden Songs
1.:	Nirvana - Rape Me
2.:	Smile Empty Soul - Nowhere Kids
3.:	Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry
4.:	Good Charlotte - The World Is Black
5.:	Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
Top 5 Happy Songs
1.:	Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To
2.:	Franz Ferdinand - Michael
3.:	Franz Ferdinand - Tell Her Tonight
4.:	Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
5.:	Green Day - King For A Day
Top 5 Suicide Songs
1.:	Gary Jules - Mad World
2.:	Johnny Cash - Hurt
3.:	Silverchair - Suicidal Dreams
4.:	Blink 182 - Adam's Song
5.:	Third Eye Blind - Jumper
Top 5 Instrumental Songs
1.:	I
2.:	Don't
3.:	Listen
4.:	To
5.:	Instrumental
Top 5 Soundtrack Songs
1.:	I
2.:	Don't
3.:	Listen
4.:	To
5.:	Soundtracks
Top 5 TV Theme Songs
1.:	I
2.:	Don't
3.:	Listen
4.:	To
5.:	Them
Top 5 Worst Songs
1.:	Minnie Riperton - Lovin You (Annoys the hell out of me)
2.:	Charlene - I've Never Been To Me
3.:	Cannibal Corpse - I Cum Blood
4.:	Las Ketchup - The Ketchup Song/Kelis - Milkshake
5.:	Aha - Take On Me
Top 5 Songs That Has Made You Cry
1.:	Evanescence - My Immortal
2.:	Gary Jules - Mad World
3.:	Finch - Letters To You
4.:	Coldplay - The Scientist
5.:	Seether - Broken
Top 5 Songs Guilty Pleasure Songs
1.:	Britney Spears - Toxic
2.:	N Sync - Digital Getdown
3.:	Backstreet Boys - Everybody
4.:	Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River
5.:	The Usual Suspects - Share Lovers
Top 5 Songs That Remind You of Your Significant Other
1.:	Alan
2.:	Smith
3.:	Is
4.:	My
5.:	SO
Top 5 Songs That Remind You of Your Ex
1.:	HA
2.:	HA
3.:	HA
4.:	HA
5.:	HA
Top 5 Most Played Songs + Number
1.:	Death From Above 1979 - Blood On Our Hands > 222
2.:	Death From Above 1979 - If We Don't Make It We'll Fake It > 132
3.:	Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out > 124 / Bloc Party - She's Hearing Voices > 124
4.:	Franz Ferdinand - Darts Of Pleasure > 58 / Death From Above 1979 - Little Girl > 58
5.:	Death From Above 1979 - Black History Month > 50
Top 5 Favorite Artists/Bands
1.:	Franz Ferdinand
2.:	Death From Above 1979
3.:	Green Day
4.:	Louis XIV
5.:	Hot Hot Heat
Top 5 Favorite Songs
1.:	All by the above artists/bands (actually theres more)
2.:	Gary Jules - Mad World
3.:	Muse - Plug In Baby
4.:	Bloc Party - She's Hearing Voices
5.:	The White Stripes - The Hardest Button To Button (shit theres much more than 5 faves)
RANDOM MUSIC STUFF!
How many songs are on your playlist?:	1350
How many songs have the word "Love" in it?:	67
How many songs have the word "Sex" in it?:	6
How many songs have the word "Death" or "Hate" in it?:	32
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

I had a dream last night. Happy dream. But I don't quite know why I dreamt about this person. I'll shop for my water gun real soon. :)

2005-10-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

Don't blame me. I'm stressed up. It's the only way out. Maybe I'm just finding an excuse for it but, whatever.

2005-10-23T14:35:00.000+08:00

1. What is your full name?

tan bao lin pauline

2. Where and when were you born?

singapore, 2nd june 1988 2254

3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

father> tan kim thang david, a very nice person
mother> koh peck kuan, a nice person at times, a devil most of the time.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

younger sister> have the same personality as me, hold pen the same way i do, very matured for her age, smart.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

live with my family. small and congested, blue bedrooms and pink living room. looks very bright and i dont like it.

6. What is your occupation?

student.

7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

im not tall enough and my weight is so much more than enough. asian/chinese. reddish brown at the root of hair, black eyes. a scar on my right eyebrow.

8. To which social class do you belong?

lower. i live in a slum.

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

i dont think so.

10. Are you right- or left-handed?

that depends on what im doing. i mean, write with right hand, hold a fork with the left.

11. What does your voice sound like?

heaven.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

seriously, what the, go and die, hey, i mean...

13. What do you have in your pockets?

dont like to put things in my pockets.

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

i think ive got quite a lot. i tend to talk a lot, but i try my very best not to cut in when a person's speaking. dont expect my table/files/whatever to be organised. i think i can type a few paragraphs about all these.

Part 2: Growing Up

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?

happy, carefree, the best time of my life.

16. What is your earliest memory?

i dont know.

17. How much schooling have you had?

enough.

18. Did you enjoy school?

yes. if you take away all the maths lessons.

19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

what other abilities are you talking about?

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

no.

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

yes. except my mother. shes a prick at times.

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

cosmetic salesgirl. can you believe it? lol.

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?

reading magazines, laofuzi comic, newspapers, listening to radio (all the 933 958 1003> influenced by mum, 950> influenced by dad), watching tv, playing with my neighbours, running after cats and scaring them (LOL), knocking on neighbour's door and run away, pressing the lift button and run away, going to holland road shopping centre's metro to shop for new toys (bears, barbie perfume etc), cycling (i've got a pink bike), swimming with my pink float and pink swimming costume, plugging the mic and sing along to tv singing competition, getting my dad to act as my hubby for masak masak.. a lot more..

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

outgoing, cheerful disposition, i dont know why im like that now.

25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

quite popular lol. ive pretty friends, indian friends, malay friends, smart friends, teachers pet friends.. we like to laugh together and go to provision shops, waste a lot of 20cents, and compare our tikums.

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?

14 i think. that person can go and die lol.

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

i lost my virginity to alan smith. awwww. not so fucking stupid to lose it so soon, and nobody will be so stupid to give theirs to me.

28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

seriously i dont understand the question.

Part 3: Past Influences

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

dont know.

30. Who has had the most influence on you?

a lot of people.

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

conquering the overhead bridge cos im scared of heights. hoho.

32. What is your greatest regret?

having regrets. *sigh*

33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

so many..

34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

nope.

35. When was the time you were the most frightened?

im paranoid almost everyday.

36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

so many..

37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

study harder and not wasting time on things/people.

38. What is your best memory?

when my parents were still loving. and family outings were in fours, instead of threes.

39. What is your worst memory?

too many.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

pessimistic.

41. What is your greatest fear?

loneliness/boredom/losing total interest in activities/things/people i once liked/losing people i love and care for

42. What are your religious views?

i am God.

43. What are your political views?

i skip the politic news everytime, boring. but i sure know of some cuties like tony blair and ma ying jeou. tony blair's son euan is cute! i like ong teng cheong too. george bush can go and die, he's fugly and looks like a chimp.

44. What are your views on sex?

its everywhere, the movies, the tvs, the magazines, the internet... over-exploited.

45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

i like to kill ants and watch them squirm. killing is okay if the victim's fugly.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

killing the victim before committing incestuous rape, and kidnapping crippled people, give them marijuana, point the gun at their heads, forcing them to have a necrophiliac orgy with you. the victim's significant other will be there to witness it all while he's bound to the bed, and you will threaten to fuck him in the ass with a cactus plant which has been soaked in highly concentrated hydrochloric acid if he doesnt masturbate and cum when all of you are doing that. and all these, it will take place in a church, yes, right before your so-called lord. repeat all the procedures 100 times, making you a serial rapist, then videocamming it all down, making them into porno tapes and show kids while playing jessica simpson's music (oei i hate her!)... damn!

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

not now.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

achieving the goals you set yourself.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

sometimes honest, sometimes not.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

yes! i dont wanna elaborate lol.

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

eat pork lard. its fucking disgusting okay!

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

my family, and maybe a couple of close friends.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

im mostly aloof. dont make the first move etc.

54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

my family. my dad is supportive. my mum is whiny and a bitch at times, but shes my mum, and shes good at hokkien expletives. my sister, for accepting me for who i really am >shes there when i fart, shes there when i chew my nails (kick that habit already) etc.

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

daddy. too many reasons.

56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

have a couple of close friends. i'll just describe patrick. i can read his mind and he can read my mind. i know who he likes, but he doesnt know who i like (cos i dont like anyone what). he can avoid topics for all he want but i can see through it. when hes quiet i know what hes thinking and he knows it when im crying (remember mcdonalds' evanescence - my immortal) he accepts me as his friend though im fucking fat, and i accept him as my friend although hes so fucking black but he says hes brown and hes obviously living in self denial. i dont think we have any secrets between us (i THINK lah, for all i know, he might be gay). he treasures friendship a lot (even more for relationship, hehehh) and is QUITE morally upright, especially for his views on premarital sex, yada yada. hes annoying when he mumbles, hes annoying when hes lazy, hes annoying when hes indecisive. quite a chick magnet though he looks like a foreign worker. eh wait, i say until im like in love w him, patrick, fat hope, i wont like u even if u fall in love with me. im too sexy. HAHAHAHAH.

57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

i dont think i'll ever get attached/married lol.

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

dunno.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?

dunno.

60. How close are you to your family?

quite.

61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

no, and dont want to. im afraid lol.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

my family.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

my parents.

64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

nobody at all. i'd miss myself the most.

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

tend to argue.

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

no. i try to stay unnoticed.

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

depends on the group.

69. Do you care what others think of you?

those important people. i dont care about the rest.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

listening to music!

71. What is your most treasured possession?

my mp3 collection.

72. What is your favorite color?

black, and sometimes red/purple.

73. What is your favorite food?

little children.

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?

newspapers and magazines, self-help books.

75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

alex kapranos singing in front of me, and proceed on to stripping... woooo.

76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

tralala.

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

being a total loser > staying at home doing nothing.

78. What makes you laugh?

everyone. cos i can make a joke out of everyone. im trying to change that though.

79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

cant think of any.

80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

peep at neighbours window and watch them having sex.

81. How do you deal with stress?

talk a lot! like doing this now.

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

spontaneous maybe

83. What are your pet peeves?

pEoPlE tYpiNg liKe tHat, and A LOT MORE.

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

ive no routine whatsoever. everyday's so different.

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?

being laidback and finding funny things to laugh at even in serious situations.

86. What is your greatest weakness?

laziness, pessimism.

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

take that fucking moustache away! and the pounds away too.

88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

i dont know. what do you think?

89. Are you generally organized or messy?

messy, very.

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

good at nothing, and im not being modest.
bad at - maths, getting myself out of depression,
concentrating.

91. Do you like yourself?

VERY MUCH. im my biggest fan!

92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons...)

lazy to answer..

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

to be VERY HAPPY.

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

5 years older.

95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?

die after getting a mind blowing orgasm. in my bed. :)

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

fuck alan smith, kill all the beautiful girls, make alex kapranos fall in love with me.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

shes really good at THAT. i'll leave that up to your imagination.

98. What three words best describe your personality?

erratic, cynical, split.

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?

weird, fat, ugly.

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice...)

lazy to type..

2005-10-22T12:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the best day of 2005. 1 Jan 2005 - 1 July 2005? I can't remember anything now. Nothing memorable, and somehow, I regretted wasting time on things I shouldn't have done, people I shouldn't be with.. PUI! Glad I'm over it now. I can never be controlled, and will never be controlled. :)

Miss Leng is good. Chatted with us when we're supposed to have our History lessons. Went to the library to find us when we're supposed to have Social Studies lessons with her. Chatted with us again while she was marking the papers.

Miss Vanessa Lim asked me where the 4/6 people were/what lesson we're having now/etc. WOW SHE'S DAMN PRETTY. I'm in love with her. And she makes up 80% of the reason why I had a good day. Anyway I had a dream about her today. GOOD! :)

Mrs Loh (Margaret, not that siao LMF) wanted to see me after E Maths class. She said she was surprised, cos she was expecting someone who looked like KAM* (I don't wanna defame, so I jumbled up the letters) and not paying attention in class. She added that I was a nice girl (YAYYYY!) and talked to me for about 10 minutes, which made me feel that if I haven't been studying... it's time to start. She said although she doesn't teach me, she cares. Oh wow, the feeling. Hahah.

Mdm Chang asked me not to run away from her. "I won't eat you up, I'm here to help you." She was really pleasant yesterday, no PMS, no sudden mood swing when she was explaining to me. She took the trouble to print other school's papers, and June 2004 paper for me, when I can jolly well go and get from Mrs Yip. The conversation went something like that..

MC: So you have E Maths June 2004? Must try doing easy paper to boost confidence, bu ran ni hor, pa si, everytime after hard questions here blank there blank.

P: *smiles awkwardly* Don't have.

MC: I thought Mrs Yip bu shi gei ni men liao?

P: I never receive leh.

MC: Go and get from her lor.

P: *silence*

MC: Zuo mo leh? Bu yao kan dao ta de lian ah? HEEEEHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEHAHAHA. *winks, and then followed by another..* HEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

P: *smiles awkwardly again* Heh heh.

MC: Okay lah, wo print gei ni. HEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA. *winkwink*, *went back into the staffroom*

I tell you I almost wanna die laughing when she said that. But I was trying to stifle my laughter. I've gotta project another image in front of the teachers. Mdm Chang was reaaaalllly very nice. She went in and out of the room for at least five times just to photocopy worksheets for me.

Actually it could have been lesser, cos she printed A Maths instead, but.. that's not the point. She didn't call me "xiao gui" yesterday, she didn't pinch my ear and say "Ni ah!!!". Sometimes I just don't know whether I should reply her in English/Mandarin.

Stayed back with Kah Joon in the library to study. He was a great help cos he wasn't that much of a chatterbox (but he will rise to the occasion if need be) and therefore won't distract me. I am very easily distracted. We went for lunch together and then studied till 1800. He went home, I went to the canteen.

Only Wendy and Jiahao stayed back. JH offered to buy dinner for me but I didn't want to eat. And then, the three GREATS came, Mrs Teo, Mrs Yip and Mrs Terrence (actually she a bit extra). They were staying back with us.

Mrs Teo - Very nice person. Took down my name for statistic purposes and asked me to enjoy my studying session. Served me the dessert and said, "It's good.". Oei, PRINCIPAL leh, walk from her seat, scooped 3 cups of chng tng, serve every one of us. Seriously I doubt D****** T** will do that. Again, I feel bad for laughing at her.

Mrs Yip - Although I dislike her a lot.. She was nice. Eh shit, I think I overuse the word nice in this entry but whatever lah okay. Yes Miss Latimer my English sucks. Asked me whether I've had my dinner, asked me to go and eat before I study, asked me to fill up my bottle and drink plenty of water, and... WASHED MY CUP FOR ME. I'm so fucking surprised when she took my cup and said, "I'll do that together." Really fucking surprised okay.

Mrs Terrence - No comments. My first time studying in school at night, and the canteen was particularly dark, and I wonder why..

David (the security guard) came up to me at 2100 and said, "Hen wan liao lah, hui jia shui jiao. HEHEHEH." The way he laugh very cute. And I felt bad (AGAIN!) for laughing at his Doraemon fan. I will always sing the Doraemon theme song when I pass by the gate. And KJ said I was being very mean.

The three of us left together, and Wendy whispered into my ear, "Don't you think XXX's trying to por XXX and XXX?" AHA! We shared the same sentiment. Dad came and fetch me and we went to buy Hokkien Mee and Fried Tofu at the coffeeshop along 174 route.

Wonderful day for me. And I fell asleep at 2245 right after eating. No worries, no nothing. Pauline is a happy girl.

2005-10-12T19:03:00.000+08:00

I was sinking (cos too fat) into my couch reading the newspapers just now while my mum was watching that 1730 drama. In brief, Jacelyn Tay hooked up with Rayson Tan, who was the husband of her best friend, and she was pregnant with his baby. Rayson wanted to leave Jacelyn after his wife found out about their affairs, and he even wanted her to abort the baby.

So, Jacelyn plotted revenge and kept Rayson in her house while she contemplated what to do. Rayson was desperately trying to get help so he kept screaming as if his precious thang kenna chopped off. Jacelyn was hysterical and plastered his mouth with masking tape, and Rayson could only make the "MMMMM.. MMMMM!!!" sound while his face turned crimson red.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA." I cannot help it. I hate the guniang Rayson Tan, and I cannot stand infidelity, and the stupid MMMMMMM sound. I was really enjoying it while my mum said, "Ni hen guai leh. Ren jia tong ku, ni zai zhe bian kuang xiao." (You're weird. He's suffering there and yet you're laughing here.)

...

This is the 323546678984512456746789764135th time that someone said that. X stares at me and tell me I'm weird. Y says I'm influencing him to be weird. Z confirms with me that I'm really weird.

Oei WTF not my fault right.

My sister asked me to draw the character for her new story. I drew a boy with thick eyebrow, cute fringe (like Alex Kapranos), wearing those European school uniform which looks like business suit (like Franz Ferdinand's The Dark Of Matinee video), wearing black leather shoes (like Franz Ferdinand ALL THE TIME!), and also a superman cape. And my sister tells me I'm weird. Not again!

What's wrong with being.. different? Yes I'd like to use that word. Different. It sounds so much better than weird. Do you really want another person who

Says "Oh no, Jacelyn is so perverted. OMG OMG OMG eeeee I don't wanna see le lah!" *cOvErs eYeS wOrx*

Listens to manufactured bubblegum pop? Oh no, nowadays they call it rock music. Like Avril Lavigne. I listen to Avril, I'm a RRRRRRREAL rockstar baby. Kiss my ass, yeah PUNK RULEXXX. I've got an attitude. Yeeeeha! Lalalala don't phunk with my heart. Watch me shake my booty. (I learnt that part of the lyrics from the waaaaaaaayy overplayed commercial)

Watches stupid (in my opinion, and by the way I'm a very ~~opiuminated~~ opinionated person) Korean/Chinese/Japanese/Taiwanese idol drama. Wahlao, all the plots all the same one you watch for what? Watch news lah, at least you can amaze yourself the myriad ways people die (Pakistan Earthquake, Bali Bombing v2.0, Hurrican Katrina etc). Better than those fucking drama, always die of cancer. Buey sian? What's with cleft lip people? Kidney finish, cancer finish, now you come up cleft lips. What's next? Born without an asshole?

Likes pink. Okay, I've nothing against people who like pink. But can don't dress up like you're some toon pinup who just came (weak pun not intended) out of hentai porn? Don't pretend you're Chibi Moon. For goodness sake, the Sailormoon era is long gone.

I still have a long list, but I'm lazy to type already. And somehow, I feel that different people will have different opinions about me. Ms Leng says I'm a quiet student in the report book. QUIET okay QUIET - in spite of always looking at my corner cos I'm always busy gossiping or laughing at people with WJ/MF. Mr Singh was changing my marks the other day, and he looked at my paper and went, "Oh.. so you're Pauline. I heard that you're really dao and don't smile and stuffs like that.."

...

The staffroom sure has lots of gossips that we don't know about. Tsk tsk. And when the new English teacher went, "Who's Pauline?" in the midst of her lesson, I knew that

THEY DID IT AGAIN.

Oh whatever. Maybe that's because of my split personality I guess. *starts to cry the Channel-8-style trying to gain your sympathy* You think I... *sob sob* wanna be a.. *sob sob* Gemini meh? I think I should log off now and get some revision done.

I shall use someone's blog address to sum up this lengthy and boring entry (actually it's just for me to rant and bitch about things).

I'm really not weird, SERIOUS.

His lips like petals
Unfurling from a bud
I could have ripped page and petals
Ripped to the blood
But I didn't and don't
Want you ever to read
Any diary of mine
And word I may leave

Your diary, Your diary.
It's open and inviting me back.
Your diary, Your diary.
It's open and inviting me back
Your diary, Your diary.
It's open and inviting me back.
I'm back.
Your diary, Your diary.
It's open and inviting me back.
I'm back.

2005-10-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

Slept at 4 plus and woke up in the afternoon at 1400. Went to Daiso with my sis and shopped around. Spent like hours there buying 20 items (of which 9 are Hello Kitty household stuffs), dartboard, bubble blowing toy, instant noodle, miso soup, decorative stuffs etc. When we came home, mum said she was going out! Sis and I made desserts after we had our dinner. Sliced banana with condensed milk, and chocolate ice-cream with milo powder sprinkled on it. With a diet like that, I don't know why I'm fat.

I hope you get it. Good night.

2005-09-30T16:20:00.000+08:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees, but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

PS: I hate my bangs.

2005-09-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

I must force myself to love studying now. I really have no choice. If you see me online please ask me to fuck off and study. If I tell you I'm watching Spongebob/Family Guy, tell me illegal downloading is wrong, and I should fuck off and study. If I tell you I don't want to, please continue to ask me fuck off and study. Aiyah, see I wanna reply or not first.

Anyway, when I was correcting my English grade with Mr Singh, he looked at my paper and said, "Oh, Pauline... I heard that you're REALLY dao (yes he used that word) and you don't smile and stuffs like that. Well, let's see. This question... Add one more mark, so it's uhh, 18 upon 25 right. So.. give me a smile now."

I didn't know wtf happened to me and I started stammering, "No lah no no...." And then he looked at me and smiled, so I smiled back (to be polite lah). I wondered which teacher or for that matter, teacherS, badmouth about me, cos I thought Mr Singh didn't know me. He doesn't teach me + never teach me before + I'm so low profile. Took out my calculator immediately and fuck I got a 69.3, and I doubt the teachers will be nice enough to give me an A2. Fuck shit! If only I've enough time to finish my fucking compo!

If it's 66 - 68 I won't say anything, but 69 okay nvm 69, 69.. POINT 3. POINT 3 LEH OEI! DON'T BE A FUCKER AND ROUND DOWN LEH. Hope can argue with K Lim tmr. OH FUCK IT WHY AM I SO GODDAMN SWAY. I know my other subjects sure F9 so that's why I wanna achieve distinction for both languages to have that little sense of accomplishment. Don't deprive me of that please..

And oh yeah, one fucking heng thing is that, I never study Geography AT ALL and I passed! WEEE. But I studied Combined Humanities like fuck (okay not really study like fuck, but I did spend time on it) and failed like fuck.

First of all, Ms Leng commented that I'm a quiet girl in class. Now I'm dao.

Eh wait, I really very dao meh?

2005-09-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

Q20. I am guessing that it is nothing?
Right, Wrong, Close

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19. Do you use it in public? No.
18. Can it bend without breaking? No.
17. Does it live in fresh water? No.
16. Can you use it to hit something? No.
15. Is it annoying? No.
14. Is it bad for your health? No.
13. Can you peel it? No.
12. Is it lifeless? No.
11. Can it affect you (cause an effect to you)? No.
10. Does it grow over time? No.
9. Is it man made? No.
8. Is it soft? No.
7. Is it outside? No.
6. Can it be used more than once? No.
5. Is it pleasurable? No.
4. Do most people use this daily? No.
3. Does it have writing on it? No.
2. Is it made of metal? No.
1. It is classified as Other.

Know what. "Jesus" was the answer. So now, Jesus is nothing. HAHAHAHAHAHHAA.
www.20q.net Go there if you're REAL bored and don't feel like chatting with (irritating) human beings.

2005-09-25T01:04:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I went to Chinatown. Actually we planned to go there last Friday, but at the last minute, CC couldn't make it. I need to go out VERY BADLY today because I know I will go into depression if I stay at home for the whole day.

We took 190 there, and there was this real cute Tom Cruise lookalike on board! He made the butt-numbing trip a little better cos he was such an eye candy. And then I found out that 190's route included Bras Basah Road, so I closed my eyes, cos I know my mood would be affected. When I opened, I saw NTUC Income Centre. I think I'm really very $%%#$%$#%. It's okay if you don't get it, cos you're not supposed to.

We alighted at Chinatown Point. I recalled the days when I used to collect debts for my neighbour in Holland V, then they would bring me to the so-called HQ at Chinatown Point. I would sit on the big armchair and pretend that I was the boss and start commanding the adults around. My big ego is innate.

We walked around for a bit and then I received Pat's message. (Pat, if you're reading this you're a KNN cos I thought you didn't want to go from the sian sian tone of your message. You're becoming Adamy. Be a man, do the right thing! Time for a change.) CC was hungry, and we were outside The Majestic, so he suggested going to Malan Noodle to have a try. The restaurant gave the impression of being very China-rish cos ALL the staffs were Chinese. Not Chinese as in xin jia po hua ren LEH. The REAL thing, those jiang biao zun hua yu rrrrr Chinese.

The menu.

The price was about what I've expected, but the ambience sucks. You REALLY feel like you're IN Chinatown. I wouldn't recommend it after going there today. Anyway, let me show you what we ordered.

The appetiser that we ordered. Jellyfish. Pauline: "KNS, tasteless. Nothing like the jellyfish from Japanese restaurants!" Price: $3.80

CC's Pork Rib La Mian. CC: "Soup is really good. Other than that, nothing to rave about." Price: $5.60

My Zha Jiang Mian. Pauline: "Can only finish half of it. And it's not because they gave too much.". CC had a little of it, CC: "Why the sauce taste like muah chee huh?" Price: $5.60

My mood immediately sian ji pua after eating it, but luckily, the guo tie saved the day. It was not that good, but it was the best dish already. I was too lazy to take any pictures. You'll have to imagine how that $2.80 (for 4) stuff looked like.

Feeling experimental, I tried out the in-house Sour Plum Tea ($1.50) whereas CC stuck to Soya Bean ($1.50). I regretted. So, the total charge was about $24, plus $2 I-don't-know-why-we're-paying-for-it service charge. We went walking around after that, nothing much to talk about there. So about 3 hours later, we went around looking for food again. It was not because we were hungry, but mouth itchy, lah! And then I saw this while we were walking to the hawker centre.

Fucking looks like Nono right?! I had a good laugh and CC said I was mad. REALLY VERY FUNNY. Nono advertising for Breadtalk wearing God of Fortune costume. Wahlao, no sense of humour. Must be happy what!

While we were walking down the stairs, there was this old Caucasian couple in front of us. And there were a lot of shops (you know those that sell qipao, or shirts with ridiculous Chinese words written on them, catering to those ignorant tourists) around that area. When they reached a particular shop there, the shop tenant shouted, "Five dollars!" in an extremely fake American accent, and I tried my fucking very best not to laugh. It's really very WTF! Cos before that he was holding a conversation with his friend in Hokkien, and when he noticed the Caucasians approaching, he changed to that accent. And to make matters worse, his English CANNOT MAKE IT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
"Faif dohllas!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Sorry, I can't help it. On to the eating part! We went to the hawker centre and ordered cockles for $5 and sugarcane juice for $1. The retarded auntie kept forgetting our orders, I'm too lazy to explain now (laughed too much at the five dollar), so I'll leave it that way.

I remembered Dad telling me about the ah balling (tang yuan), so we went down to eat it. 4 for $1.50. CC's was 2 dou sa + 2 peanuts, mine was 2 peanuts + 2 yam paste. The peanut one was good, and the soup was sweet. Recommended by CC and me. It's one of the "cart-stall" there. Don't try the one in the hawker centre. Dad and I tried, and it sucked.

We went further down and ate the Cheese Knacker featured in The Sunday Times months ago. It's actually a huge fat sausage filled with cheese. And OMG it's so fucking nice when the hot cheese ooze out from the sausage. It's a little pricey at $3.50 but it's so fucking nice so who cares? At least better than that fucking Malan. We found cheaper guo tie in the hawker centre ($3.50 for 10, which is 50% of the price of Malan's). And cheaper la mian! CC's one was sold at $3.50 and mine was sold at $2.50, less than half the price okay! Don't tell me what yi fen qian yi fen huo when Malan's food sucks.

I think that's all for the food trip. You don't wanna know how I got back home and yada yada yada right? Here's a comic strip to sum up this entry.

I love Garfield. He's weird, just like me. And he's a Gemini as well. WEEE!

2005-09-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

I fucking hate my mum. I hate this fucking day! Going out now. Hope I'd feel better.

2005-09-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

Today, I did the whole Physics paper without using calculator, except a small electronic one which I brought along, just in case. I entered the hall finding table #128, and I walked from the back, looking at the number on every table. After 30 seconds of walking...

WHAT THE FUCK!? (I ALMOST wanted to shout, and I realised I was in school afterall)

I realised it's the table RIGHT IN FRONT. And fuck! I've been sitting in front for every subject, I think it would be the same for the upcoming E Maths and Geog paper.

I went IMM with Patrick and Adam after the papers. Ate BK Big Fish with the coupons. We walked around a bit looking for the tour agency, and then proceeded to Creative. And while we were walking, Patrick suffered the most from the weather. Poor thing.

Obviously you know whose hand is on the right.

No, don't worry, Patrick didn't get fairer suddenly. It's Adam's arm beside me.

So, while on his quest to find a earphone, Patrick decided to find some speakers as well.

Comparing comparing, which is better.

And while he was doing comparison, I went around browsing items, and saw this.

A black Zen Neeon. I love black. :)

And while I walk back to find Patrick, saw him with a box in his hand.

He wants it.

Before that, he said he sucked at making decisions when buying things, but it didn't seem like the case. Really.

His new-found love. Aww...

And if you think that's the end to the Creative trip. You're wrong. Just as I was distracted by Adam's (very) hairy legs

I wasn't kidding when I added very.

I saw Patrick, again.

Behind the racks.

I wondered why he was still there when he already made his decision. So, I walked over to the other side. And!!!

Two in the basket now! (not counting the chao extra earphone, and Patrick was feeling fucking vexed cos he didn't know which to choose.

He could not make up his mind again. And he decided to approach the assistants for help, so...

Left that earphone alone, lor! Told you it's not the main character.

After a fucking interminable time, he finally got down to one. And from this, I realise that Patrick is the girl (for today), not Adam.

Getting ready to pay now, FINALLY.

But then he was still hesitant, so I was hoping that he could get this over and done with. And yay!

From getting ready to ACTUALLY paying.

And then as self proclaimed narcissistic camwhores, we tried out the webcam as well.

The fat, the black, and the gay.

And then, after hours there, we were finally out of Creative. We are very happy people, and Patrick is the happiest of us all. He would look like a taitai if the Creative bag was replaced with a Gucci one.

Now, Patrick is a girl.

So here's showing you how hot we actually are.

Reflections. Patrick's personal fave way of taking pics.

We walked out of the Creative building talking about buying Ipods, hoping that Sim Wong Hoo would run out offering us free Creative mp3 players. Anyway, the refurbished 128MB mp3 is only at $59, real cheap. I saw the mirror and..

The mirror saw us as well.

While we were walking to JEC, both of them argued again, as usual. Really fucking funny, and this time, I managed to capture Adam's magic hand! He will always use it when he's

1. Arguing with Patrick, or for that matter, anybody else.
2. Signalling that he wants to know what we're gossiping about.
3. Dismissing something that we say about him (gay, surf gay porn, no love, etc)

Tadah! MAGIC HAND AT WORK!

We had to cross the wooden plank to get across to the field. And I was afraid that I'd break it. LOL. But in the end, I got over.

Don't be mean. I know what you're thinking. The cracks were already there before I step foot on it.

When we reached JE MRT Station, we saw this funny shit.

The person operating the machine is scaring the birds away instead of doing his job. And he's doing it on purpose. What a fucker. But we had a good laugh.

And we went for KFC later, and saw Jasmine Ng there. Something very sway happened, my infamous sway mouth predicted something correctly, AGAIN. I really hate my sway mouth! SERIOUSLY. I don't really feel like elaborating cos I don't want to look back at my archives and... AIYAH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I was really FUCKING #@@#%#$%$%#$%#@%##@@%$@#% and I dashed up the bridge to hold Patrick and Adam back. And the two fucking heartless people laughed at me, especially Adam. WTF!

I've got a WTF lan jiao bin in this pic and I'm not going to publicise it. I was screaming at that point of time. And yes, the red means I'm VERY ANGRY. And that fucking Adam kept laughing and gloating over it! FUCK OFF!

And after screaming around on the bridge to vent my anger, I walked back to the bus stop again.

You can see that I'm angry even from afar.

So from now on, I shouldn't talk so much, and maybe I shouldn't even initiate talking at all, cos all the things that come out from my mouth will eventually come true. This has been proven so many times already. Don't blame me, I'm not anti-social, it's just my fucking mouth.

2005-09-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival. Yay. I had quite a fun time yesterday with my mum and sis. Oh yeah, my mum asked me to get a bottle of Tiger for her at the provision shop, and the uncle didn't do/say anything. It's good to have a chao lao look you know? But sadly, they do not have any vodkas there, only Heinekens, ABC Stout and the like.

So, my mum asked me to go down cos there was this celebration at the basketball court area. Then, the usual practice for Mid-Autumn festival was to guess deng mi, some sort of riddle, and there was prizes for getting the correct answer. My mum rushed down immediately upon hearing that from the loudspeaker. LOL.

I sat in front of the com, surfing for sites which contained these riddles. Mag, on the phone with mum, and mum, queuing up to answer the riddle. Then Mag was frustrated with mum cos she talked too loudly and the people around her could hear the answer, so she went down and copied the questions instead.

In the end, our combined effort (although we kind of like cheated) won us 7 prizes. And that was out of 20 prizes. My mum was very happy when people called her zhuang yuan, cos they didn't know she did it with our help. I felt happy too, cos mum was smiling. I know this sounds dumb, but you'll never understand. :) I love mum.

She came back with two in her hand, cos she gave away the other five to Mag's classmates, and Mag was pissed and kept on complaining to me. I took the pink one, and Mag took the orange one.

My pink one.

We had oyster omelette for supper (again!). YAY. I LOVE OYSTER OMELETTE I LOVE OYSTER OMELETTE I LOVE OYSTER OMELETTE! Actually, I was supposed to go to Chinatown with CC yesterday, but mum didn't allow. Nevermind, another day then, I wanna pig out! Oyster omelette, cockles, stingray, char kway teow, ngoh hiang, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Anyone who's interested to go around Singapore eating, tell me okay?

In examination, look up the sky for inspiration, look down in desperation, but please do not look left and right for information. - Ng Chee Chao

2005-09-18T02:45:00.000+08:00

Yay. Finished with the new layout. Will post tomorrow. I'm very tired now. Let me see how the layout's like.

No choice now, it's too late.
Let him go; he gave up.
Lisa says, "Take time for me."
Dropping him down to his knees.
Chest down…

Take me away
See I've got to explain
Things, they have changed
In such a permanent way
Life seems unreal
Can we go back to your place?
You drink too much,
Makes me drink just the same

People tried. Felt so right
Giving themselves good advice.
Looking down sometimes felt nice…

He knows it's justified to kill to survive
He then in dollars makes more dead than alive
Let's suck more blood, let's run three hours a day
The world is over, but I don't care
'cause

I am with you
Now I've got to explain
Things, they have changed
In such a permanent way
Life seems unreal
Can we go back to your place?
You drink too much,
Makes me drink just the same

The first time, it happened too fast
The second time, I thought it would last

We all like it a little different...

2005-09-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

I'm without a cell now, so I can't set alarm like how I used to. I wonder how I'm going to wake up at 5 tomorrow to do some (very) last minute chionging. I won't be able to sleep properly if I know I've to wake myself up at a certain time. Fuck.

Anyway, I was making my History notes, and then my fucking fringe kept blocking the way, so I went to trim it myself. It was quite fun, so I spent 15 minutes, cutting and cutting and...

My fringe. Don't be a fucker and comment about the eyes.

Then I continued scribbling notes while reading through the History textbook.

Too lazy to get my colour pens.

Hard to stay awake. Too lazy to make myself a cup of coffee as well. So had to make do with this throughout the night. To be honest, I drank it because I was craving for something sweet.

Nutritious Chocolate Malt Drink indeed.

Keeps me company through the night.

Downloaded quite a lot of songs today. Deleted crap music off the com. Music is the only thing that makes me happy! :) I want a >20GB portable hard disk! Wait, I've got a new interest now - STUDYING!

FUCK, who am I lying to...

2005-09-10T12:25:00.000+08:00

Didn't go to Joanne's party on the 8th, so I stayed at home and studied a bit. WJ's birthday on the 9th. His brother invited even more people than him. So basically, there were quite a number of kids around. His new condo looked like a resort, I like. So, I went to the Karaoke room to watch them play XBOX. Think WJ's probably the first person to use the room for playing games. The people walking outside were checking out the mirror's reflection and KPOing around.

I was behind the curtain, looking at the surrounding through the window.

Went out of the room and gossiped with XQ for a bit, and started eating. Satay was nice, but the chicken wings (actually the drumstick, better) was fab! Pat was busy bootlicking people for MORE food. That's his forte seriously. One moment he's the doorman, another moment he's the waiter, but that's just to make sure that the food will be finally delivered onto our table. That was an appraisal if you didn't get it.

So, XQ peeled the prawns for us (THANKS! I wouldn't eat prawns peeled by filthy hands.) Yay XQ the new prawn-peeler. :) Oh yeah did I mention that I loved the chicken drumstick? Even if it's chaota. So we went to check out the pool, there's a shallow one.

Looks like those resort, right?

And the other one's a 1.8m one. I really felt like plunging into the pool, though I don't know how to swim. Took off my socks and shoes and played with the water using my legs. I know you wanna see my sexy fat legs, so here's a pic.

My feet loves the swimming pool!

There's a pool table at the lobby. And Pat was teaching KJ how to play. XQ was playing with KJ, and I was quite bored, so I sat at a corner and wanted to take a picture of my lan jiao bin. Pat popped in out of nowhere and I gave this sian look.

Pat is stealing the limelight, and I'm not happy.

And then, I took a picture of my eyes since the lighting there was quite good. I admit I've single eyelid, and I've no eyelashes.

WX, teach me a trick or two. How do I extend those lashes? LOL.

Oh yeah, and WX was pretty glamorous that night. I mean his makeup. Gold eyeshadow dabbed onto the nose bridge to make it more defined, and the side of the cheek and temple, to contour the face. Thick mascara and glittery eyeshadow. Star of the night, and many was waiting for his arrival. Back to the pool table, and I played with the rack once again.

Do you see a triangle and a circle here, kids?

And then...

Only the circle.

A few minutes later, stopped playing cos it was time to cut the birthday cake. All the people gathered around WJ and he was clearly paiseh and kept on looking down. James later told me that it was the first time he was eating icecream cake, and KJ too. Three layers, strawberry on top, vanilla in the middle, and chocolate at the bottom. Rich people... Anyway, took a pic at the staircase later.

Anyone can just be the odd one out.

Why that caption you ask. KJ's the smart one, the three of us, ummm, needless to say. Pat's the black one (okay, brown brown brown, WHATEVER), and three of us are nowhere near tanned. XQ's the kim moh, KJ obviously has black hair (a very DUH! statement), Pat has a bit of brown, but gradually fading, I have a bit of reddish brown at the root of the hair, but overall, still black. And last but not least, I'm fat, period.

The end of the party, went home and conferenced with XQ, Pat and Adam. Felt bored again, cos they were all watching TV. I don't know why but I don't even have the patience to watch an hour of TV. It's THAT bad. So, while they were watching, I snapped away.

I'M BORED!

I'd just end off this entry with a black and white pic. Don't know what I mean? You'll see.

2005-09-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

Making way for new tracks and deleting old tracks. Came across Jesse McCartney's "Beautiful Soul". Right-clicked it.

Created: Saturday, September 25, 2004, 2:40:51 AM
Modified: Saturday, September 25, 2004, 2:48:56 AM
Accessed: Today, September 06, 2005

Brought me back a lot of memories, and I realised it's September, again. I remember last September when... I'm now living in another September, and it's been a year now. I celebrate the love, alone, on my own.

2005-09-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I know I feel miserable. The situation isn't looking good for me. Why is it that everytime.. ARGH.

IF THE WORLD DOESN'T SUCK, WE WILL ALL FALL OFF!

2005-08-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

"You're the first thing that I think about what I wake up, the only thing I think of when I'm awake, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed." Sounds cliche, doesn't it? But I never thought that it could be applied to me. Sometimes, I really feel like killing myself cos I really hate myself. And when I was trying my best to not feel anything when Evanescence - My Immortal came on, it started raining. Thanks huh.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
But if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cos your prescence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have ... all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it's chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have ... all of me
All of me
All of me
All...

2005-08-28T02:53:00.000+08:00

It's nearing 3 yet I'm wide awake. Repeated Death From Above 1979's If We Don't Make It We'll Fake It for over 10 times within an hour. Pumped up my adrenaline. Now that I'm almost going to sleep, changed to something mellow (as compared to DFA1979), My Chemical Romance's Helena.

Checked out a lot of sites today, love those graphic/caption tees, whatever you call it, these loud t-shirts are damn cool. The studded leather belts as well. I love retro stuffs, wahhhh! Wait till I earn my bucks and figure out what's online shopping all about. Meanwhile, to the FOS I go!

Why am I not borned in the 1920s/1960s-1970s era? Skipped 1940s cos I don't like war. I'd have cute bangs and curls, wearing bell bottoms and tees in psychedelic colours, chewing bubblegum and listening to rock n roll. (YAY I LOVE ROCKNROLL I LOVE GARAGE ROCK I LOVE GARAGE PUNK I LOVE JAZZ AS WELL.. OOOH 1920S!) The idea of beauty wouldn't be Kate-Moss-who-is-so-fucking-stick-thin-waif-like figure. It would be inspired by Marilyn Monroe. Ahhh, sexy.

Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave again. And meet again. When both our cars collide.

2005-08-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

I didn't on Limewire after reading Digital Life today. But nevermind, since I downloaded hundred over songs last week. I'm beginning to identify what kind of music I REALLY like. Soft rock is soothing, but can be boring (aka Lifehouse), hard rock pumps up the adrenaline, but can be overbearing (aka Nine Inch Nails, System Of A Down), pop-rock/punk makes me happy (aka GREEN DAY, Sum 41, Bowling For Soup), love alternative, indie as well. But seriously, nothing beats garage rock/garage punk, and those 60's/70's revival band, like Franz Ferdinand, Louis XIV, Death From Above 1979, The White Stripes, The Bellrays, Mando Diao, Hot Hot Heat, The Mooney Suzuki, Kaiser Chiefs, Art Brut, Bloc Party and many more. Love retro stuffs. I found a new indie music site and I'm addicted to it! :) Maybe I could stream music from there, and I don't need to download anymore.

I went to JP to get something and saw this T-Shirt at this particular shop. "If you think you're a SMOKER, you're WRONG. It's the cigarette that smokes. You're merely the SUCKER at the end." I felt complicated when I saw it. Maybe it was meant to be funny, somehow it didn't work for me. Oh, good luck to people taking their O Level English Orals tomorrow. The very last day I think. Uhh what was I saying? Yeah, good luck.

As long as I live there's more I can give. It's never enough. I'll give anything but up. As far as I go. There's one thing I know. It's never too tough, Oh no. I'll give anything but up.

2005-08-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

Min Qi's back from US (LA, okay!) for her vacation and we went to her house today. A lot of people lah, namely Jasmine Koo, Kenny, Jasmine Ng, Patrick, Adam, Chi Pang, Jason, Zong Da, Edmond, Chee Chao, Chee Mun, Hwan Liang, Eric, Z Kent, Yong Quan and ME! I recognise her house by the silver Mercedes (took a picture with it). If I'm ever gonna be rich, I'm gonna buy that house number 69 (MQ's 65). What a fucking number! (no pun intended)

So, a few of us sat around the lawn and had steamboat. The salmon is always the first item to be snapped up. Mushrooms also nice, what! I got to practise my chopsticks skill. The record now: I USED CHOPSTICK and gave out 11 fishballs to them. It's an amazing feat for someone who doesn't know how to use chopstick. :)

I went in and watch soccer next - Man U vs Ast V. Fuck, it's been a long time since I watched any soccer. I'm looking forward to WC'06 next year! Ronaldo's so cute! OMG OMG OMG. And Alan Smith! Liked him since his Leeds day! SO CUTEEE! JS Park, V Nistelrooy, and Scholes can fuck off lah! Eee, spoil my eyes. If only I can create my dream team - Ronaldo, Smith, Totti, Del Piero, ahhhh Italiano!

Okay lah, I too fucking lazy to continue. My dad's great, I just casually mention to him about oyster omelette and he bought it for me today. I was so touched when I got home and saw that on the dining table. Why so fucking emotional, I don't know. Who's the greatest guy on earth? CONFIRM GUARANTEE CHOP, my dad, without a doubt! I love you daddy. :)

I'm very proud that I'm not straight. I'm very proud that I'm not natural. I'm a backdoor man for the Ku Klux Klan with very horrendous plans
I'm a very caring potato, We will never have the chance.

2005-08-16T22:11:00.000+08:00

Having my English Orals tomorrow. Hope I won't stammer. Hope that the examiners don't look like Mr Bean so that I won't laugh. Hope that I will be able to converse fluently, and don't cock up and start to talk like another person altogether. And last but not least, fucking wish me luck, and the rest taking their orals. :)

2005-08-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

YAY! Kelvin got in! My prediction for both came true, Silver out and Derrick out. If only everything that I predicted came true.. Haven't been happy for quite a while. Will cherish this moment. The initial high is wearing down again. SHIT. Better get some sleep before I start sinking into depression all over again.

2005-08-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

Ppl. Help me vote for a contestant in Project Superstar. 60cents per sms. If you don't want, it's okay. Have a nice day! SMS M1 to 78277. Or CALL 1900-112-1001.THANKS A LOT.

2005-08-10T13:14:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
Yeah I know this came a little too late, but it's the thought that counts okay. I wonder if I'm able to live up to 40. Uhh whatever. Anyway, I went to Jurong East at around evening to meet them. Jasmine was SUPPOSED to go. The keyword here is SUPPOSED. Hmm. So, boarded a bus to Jurong Point, and whathafuck, the place is like overly infested with expatriates. And no, I don't mean white expatriates here.

Went to Kpool to find Patrick and Adam, and Yoke Foh, Hor Ping, Xian Yao, Zong Da and Edmond were with them. There's this guy who's superduperly disgusting that calling him superduperly disgusting would be an understatement. I was gossiping to Hor Ping and Zong Da about it, and then Adam, being very adamy, came to ask me what we're talking about. And it was no surprise that he found nothing wrong about that guy.

Went out of JEC and waited for the fireworks. We sat in a row and blocked the passageway. HAHAHA. And the people looked rather pissed cos we were making a lot of noise and unnecessary comments. Saw quite a lot of familiar faces, my kindergarten friend, primary school friends, secondary school friends. The fireworks display was, okay lah. Stayed for awhile looking at some performances by some chinese singers. Fucking racist cos there's no Malay or Indian songs, not even English okay. Multi-racial society eh?

Went around looking for food after that at the Pasar Malam, but bought nothing other than Ribena. Waited for a long time for 99 with Hor Ping and talked to pass time. When 99 came, we dashed up the exit of the bus without tapping our EZlink along with some people. Talk about being Uniquely Singapore.

2005-08-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

The most beautiful things in life are free. Like love. Since I've given my heart and soul, all to you, I shouldn't be expecting anything in return from you. And I shall continue to love, and love, and love. :)

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight. Stop this pain tonight. Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you). Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

2005-08-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Pat, here is the translation for that Hokkien song. Practise my English and Chinese at the same time. (:

You said that you're going to find me today
So, I waited for you from morning till night
I've always believe that you're going to be by my side everytime
But you're nowhere to be seen

I'm afraid to think how life would be like without you
How am I going to spend the rest of my life?
Your heart is even colder than the mistral
When you're trampling me like that

CHORUS:
I'm scared of loving you
It is painful to think of you
But I couldn't stop myself from loving you
As I watch you loving another person just like how you loved me
How can I not feel the heartache?
I'm scared of loving you
It is painful to think of you
I'm in no position to talk terms with you right now
Waiting for another person to treat me like how you treat me in the past
I know what pain feels like when I love you.

I don't guarantee that it's 100% accurate, but you should be glad I did this for free. Like what you say, FRIENDSHIP. I'm not so ADAMY. (:

If you need to leave the world you live in. Lay your head down and stay awhile. Though you may not remember dreaming. Something waits for you to breathe again.

2005-08-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

Normally, I wouldn't be caught dead listening to Mandarin songs, esp Mandopop and ballads. Not that I hate Mandarin or whatever, but generally, the lyrics are rather corny. Well, if you don't understand Mandarin and what the lyrics mean, too bad. I punched in another number when I call Patrick. Loser-ish behaviour. Maybe because I'm fucking used to that number, 98.. WHATEVER.

But I'm not feeling normal right now.

2005-07-31T07:35:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAA I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT. :) Going to sleep now. Had fun last night. Looking forward to National Day too, and all the stuffs. Yay, I love this nocturnal lifestyle.

I disappear, I lost control. My body's moving, on it's own. I watch myself, walk away. A foreign spirit, took my place.

2005-07-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

Don't look at me that way
It was an honest mistake
An honest mistake

When a song gets overplayed, it sucks. Judging from the number of times I heard this song playing on TVmobile, I guess it should be playing on air quite frequently. It's been ages since I last listen to radio (Perfect10, Power 98 etc), perhaps two to three years back cos I want to decide what goes into my playlist. Mmm, Lush plays interesting music though. Yeah, maybe I can get sick of a song because I played it too many times. That's because I don't really like the song in the first place, but I will never ever get sick of my real favourite song. :)

2005-07-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. I'm really FUCKING DOWN on my CHEEBYE luck these days. FUCK! I can't stand it, I suck at using expletives and FUCK is the most extreme word I know how to use. BUT, FUCK! OMFG I FEEL SO FUCKING ANGRY. I DONT CARE U DONT UNDERSTAND MY FUCKING ENGLISH LANGUAGE OR WHATEVER I JUST ANYHOW TYPE OKAY OKAY OKAY?! SAY OKAY. FUCK ANGRY!!! FUCK!

Lost a love (not loved) one
Lost my fucking phone today
Had to take the last piece of Adidas jacket
Went to someone's house but wasn't able to, and yet the next day.. AIYAH FUCK!
Had to take the fucking 66 which is so fucking long and pass by Little India to reach. LITTLE INDIA OKAY.
Nowadays everytime walk to the FUCKING BUS STOP and my BUS WILL LEAVE, FUCK I DONT WANNA RUN BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING HEAVY BAG, which contains, I DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK!
Eat stupid Delifrance Beef Pasta, which I THOUGHT WOULD TASTE NICE. ID RATHER SPEND THE $9.90 ON SOMETHING BETTER!
DID I MENTION I LOST A LOVE ONE? THATS LIKE THE MOST DEVASTATING EVER AND I HATE TRYING TO SMILE WHEN I AINT FEELING ALRIGHT AT ALL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. THATS LIKE THE WORST THING EVER FUCK!!!!!!!!!
OKAY I TOO FUCKING LAZY TO CONTINUE. I LOVE YOU!

2005-07-23T18:10:00.000+08:00

Some people just can't be replaced. Everything sucks when you're gone. :(

2005-07-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

Leave your old self behind.
Meet the new you.
Reincarnate now.

I'm beginning to like that idea. :) Thanks Pat.

2005-07-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

My worst days ever are here to stay. I feel like sleeping 24/7 but I can't do that. I feel like running away to somewhere else but I don't know where to. I feel like jumping down but there's so much I haven't try. I'd be much better if I could turn back the hands of time.

I know that you are something special. To you I'd be always faithful. I want to be what you always needed. Then I hope you'll see the heart in me. I don't want another pretty face. I don't want just anyone to hold. I don't want my love to go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul. You're the one I wanna chase. You're the one I wanna hold. I wont let another minute go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul.

2005-07-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

It's everywhere. No, not the TVMobile slogan, but T.T Durai's face. His name itself looks like he's crying. T.T Lian He Wan Bao, Lian He Zao Bao, The Straits Time and Home section, The New Paper, Today. OMG, thank god Streats isn't available anymore. Check THIS out.

It takes a lover, it takes a lover. It takes a lover that will love me like no other. It takes a lover, it takes a lover. It takes a lover that knows I love him like no other.

2005-07-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

The guy who loves you, can't tell you the reason why he loves you. He only knows that, in his eyes, you are the only one.

The guy who loves you, although he always makes you mad, but whatever he has done is for your own good.

The guy who loves you, seldom praises you. But in his heart, you are the best. Only he knows it.

The guy who loves you, will scold or complain if you didn't reply his messages or answer his calls because he cares for you.

The guy who loves you, only drops his tears in front of you. When you try to wipe his tears, you are touching his heart, the heart which beats for you.

The guy who loves you , will remember every word you said, even if accidentally. And he will use the word always at the nick of time.

The guy who loves you, will not give any promises that easily because he don't want to break the promise. He wants you to believe him and give you the happiest and safest life ever after.

The guy who loves you, always tells you not to think too much, because he has already planned it for you. He wants to give you the best life in the future. He wants to give you a surprise, believing that he can do it.

The guy who loves you, maybe can't remember those special occasions like anniversaries, but he does know that, every second he lives, he's loving you, no matter what day is it.

The guy who loves you, won't say "I love you" that easily, because everything he has done for you already shows that he love you. He will only say it at the special situations because he don't want you to misunderstand. He wants you to know that he really loves you.

The guy who really loves you, will feel that sometimes certain things only have to say once because he thought that you might already understand him. If talk so much, he will feel that there's nothing you will cherish.

The guy who loves you, will go to the airport to fetch you but he won't carry a bunch a rose and call you darling like what you expect. He will carry your luggage and ask you " Why are you becoming that thin within two days?" with his sincere heart.

The guy who loves you, will listen quietly to you when you are mad. When you have finished, he will say " You still got class tomorrow, sleep earlier." with a smile.

The guy who loves you, don't know whether he should call you when you are angry but he will send a message to you after few hours. If you ask him why he called that late, he will say "When you are angry, my explanation are all rubbish. But when you calm down, my explanation will only really works."

The guy who loves you, always treat you like a little girl. But everytime he want to make a big decision, he will first want to hear your advice.

The guy who loves you, don't like little toys like teddy bears, but he will always put the bear you gave him at his bed.

The guy who loves you, while quarrelling, he will apologize although you are the one who's wrong. But later, he will say " Baby, actually you know its your fault, you know it urself."

The guy who loves you, seldom say sweet words. But you know, his kisses have already transfer all his passion to you.

The guy who loves you , if he can't always see you, he will try to make himself busy so that he will not have any time to think of you. Because he knew, if he did, he will keep on missing you.

Does it make you happy? Are you feeling happy? Are you fucking happy? Now that I'm lost here with nothing?

2005-07-11T22:27:00.000+08:00

I don't know why, but I'm so very tired nowadays. Things haven't been going too well for me. And the only thing I really wanna see right now is a plate of hot oyster omelette in front of me. I'm hungry.

It's twelve o'clock, and it's a wonderful day. I know you hate me, but I'll ask anyway. Won't you come with me, to a place in a little town. The only way to get there's to go straight down

2005-07-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

BTK chicken rice is fab, especially the chili sauce, and thank god daddy knows I like chicken breasts and bought the correct one. Bee-stung lips due to the chili. Quite disappointed, lah. Especially when I thought.. BAH! Nevermind. :)

I disappear. I lost control. My body's moving. On its own. I watch myself. Walk away. A foreign spirit. Took my place.

2005-06-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

MICHAEL!!! YAY! (((((((((((((((((((((((:

2005-06-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

I feel fucking angry with all of them. Four rotten pussies around the fucking mahjong table making a hell lot of noise as if they're having a massive gangbang with their cunts ripped. FUCK. I feel so angry, I don't care about the language or the grammars anymore! FUCK. Don't tell me that my music is louder than your mahjong. FUCK. Don't tell me that your mahjong sounds better than my music. FUCK. Don't close the door cos it's damn fucking hot with the doors and window closed. Imagine your cunts stuffed with a 20 inch by 5 inch dick and you can't even scream. I hope, at the very least, you have the brains to imagine. YOU FOUR MOTHERFUCKERS. Nono wait, YOU FOUR FUCKING MOTHERS! FUCK SHIT AND GET YOUR CUNTS LICKED BY HERPES INFECTED BLACK MONGERS. FUCKING FOURSOMES. DORIS CHAO CHEEBYE. AHYONG GUM LANJIAO. I-DUNNO-WHATS-YOUR-NAME-HOR-GAO-GAN. AND MUM. Why did you become like that mum. I shall be nice and hold back what I wanna say about you. AHYONG GUM LANJIAO. ASK YOUR FUCKING RETARD SON TO GO HOME LA. KNNBCCB. I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN HE POPS HIS HEAD INTO THE BEDROOM AND SEE WHAT I'M DOING. AND WHY HE KEEP WALKING HERE AND THERE HUH. HIS LEGS TOO FREE IZZIT? OH THANK JESUS THAT HE'S STILL ABLE TO WALK LA. I FORGET YOUR ANOTHER SON ONE EYE BLIND LEH. IF YOUR SON HAS THREE EYES HOR, THEN MAYBE HE CAN BE CALLED THIRD EYE BLIND LEH. YOU KNOW YOU KNOW THAT BAND? OH YOU DUNNO ONE LA, YOU ONLY KNOW THE SOUND OF YOUR EX HUSBAND FUCKING THE WET AND FRESH CHEEBYE OF HIS NEW LOVE INTEREST. YOURS LEH? BLACK, DRY AND IT STINKS. I DON'T THINK MICHAEL JACKSON WOULD WANNA FUCK YOU WHEN HE SEE YOUR CHILDHOOD PICTURES. TOO FUCKING UGLY YOU KNOW? I KNOW I'M FAR FROM EVEN AVERAGE LOOKING TOO, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE DROOPY CHIN AND OTHER UGLY FEATURES LIKE YOU. I'D RATHER HAVE MY VERSION OF "UGLY". YOUR UGLINESS IS WORSE THAN MINE. AND I THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD EVER SURPASS ME IN THAT ARENA. AWWW. CONGRATULATIONS, IF YOU THINK THAT'S A COMPLIMENT FOR YOU, FUCKING FUCKWIT. AND YOUR GOOD FRIEND, DORIS CHAO CHEEBYE. YOU AIN'T THAT GREAT EITHER. I GUESS YOU TWO ARE ON PAR. GOOD FRIENDS HUH. DON'T BUG MY MUM. I KNOW THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE PATHETIC ONCE-MARRIED (I'M A NICE PERSON I DIDN'T SAY DIVORCED. EH.. HMM.) WHORES, BUT DON'T DRAG MY MUM IN ALRIGHT. AND STOP GETTING MY MUM TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING ALRIGHT. YOU AIN'T THAT POOR EITHER. I THINK YOU CAN GET SOME MONEY BY FUCKING THAI DICKHEADS, OR MAYBE BANGALAS, AND SUBMIT TO THEIR FETISHES, TOE-SUCKING, ARMPIT SNIFFING, RECTUM LICKING, GOD-KNOWS-WHAT, JUST DON'T COME AND ASK MONEY FROM MY MUM. EH WAIT, DID I SAY NO PEOPLE WOULD WANT YOU? SHIT MAN, I JUST FORGET, MAYBE IT'S THAT MUFFLED SOUND YOU ALWAYS MAKE WHEN YOU SPEAK THAT DISTRACTED ME. BLAME IT ON YOUR CHIN, AHYONG GUM LAN JIAO. DON'T BLAME ME. YOUR DIRTY SOLES ALWAYS DIRTY MY WHITE FLOOR. I BET IF YOU'RE A DOG, YOU CAN GET SOME MONEY FOR REGISTERING YOUR TRADEMARK PAWPRINT AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL WANNA BUY THE COPYRIGHT OR WHATEVER FROM YOU. I'M JUST SAYING MAYBE. DON'T COUNT ON THAT. WELL, YOU CAN TRY, I KNOW YOU'RE DESPERATE. I'M JUST ABOUT AS DESPERATE AS YOU. I'M SO DESPERATE TO WANT YOU TO DIE, YEAH, TO JUST FUCKING DIE. I BET I WON'T FEEL A THING. OH SHIT. I WILL. I WILL BE HAPPY. AND MY MUM TOO. FOR THE WHATSYOURNAME, I PITY YOU FOR HAVING THE CHAOCHEEBYE AS YOUR FRIEND. I WON'T CURSE YOU, I DUNNO YOU YET. DON'T LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE A BITCH. I FEEL LIKE STRANGLING YOU ALL. ALL YOU CUMBUCKETS!

Everything that once surround me is now a distance away.
How true.

2005-05-25T20:50:00.000+08:00

Those who watch American Idol, do you find that Bo Bice looks, familiar? He really looks like someone. Guess who.
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No it wasn't me. My mum said that.

2005-05-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

I came, alone.
And I will leave, alone too.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got.

2005-05-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

I asked what I wanted to know.
I got what I didn't want to know.

Now hush little baby don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now
And we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise momma's gon' be alright.

2005-05-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know why. But being alone, feels so good.

2005-05-16T16:46:00.000+08:00

Well I'll choose this life I've taken
Never mind the friends I'm making
And I get a little shaken
Because I live my life like this
And you can cry all you want to
I don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me
We're not working out.

2005-05-13T17:58:00.000+08:00

It's Friday the 13th.
Do you somehow feel STRONGER today?
I'm addicted to Campbell's Chunky, and soup.
And grocery shopping. (:

2005-05-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

My plug in baby
Crucifies my enemies
When I'm tired of giving
My plug in baby
In unbroken virgin realities
Is tired of living.

2005-04-01T19:08:00.000+08:00

I Don't Know Which Direction The Wind Is Blowing

by Xu Zhimo

I don't know
Which direction the wind is blowing
I am in a dream
Her tenderness, my fascination.

I don't know
Which direction the wind is blowing
I am in a dream
Sweetness is the glory of the dream.

I don't know
Which direction the wind is blowing
I am in a dream
Her betrayal, my depression.

I don't know
Which direction the wind is blowing
I am in a dream
Heartbreaking in the gloom of the dream.

I don't know
Which direction the wind is blowing
I am in a dream
Dimness is the glory of the dream.

2004-12-28T19:30:00.000+08:00

2oo5 is approaching!

A!!!

AAA!!!

AAAAA!!!

AAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!

2004-12-26T20:15:00.000+08:00

Playing: The Used - Take It Away

(Written on 25th December afternoon but ended off only on 26th December at 2000, so maybe the things I wrote for the some parts might be kind of irrelevant)First of all, a MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone out there. So afterall, I didn't stay at home and be a mountain tortoise during Christmas time, and thank goodness my mum gave me the permission to go out. It was rather fun, and it was different from what I had expected, as in the events.

Took 502 to Heeren, 50 minutes bus ride. Met up with Yongloon, then walked around, not knowing where to go. The crowd wasn't there yet, it's like Orchard during the normal weekend. Then, after some time, finally found a place for him to sit and eat, because he doesn't want to dirty his hands (don't know what weird reason), so that means no KFC, no McDonald's. Anyway, there aren't any available seats there too. So, went to Yoshinoya, and watched him eat. He kept looking over at middle-aged women and smiled to them, and try to flirt. LOL. And I think before this, flirted with another lady. Disgusting fella.

The way he eats is very funny, and super slow. I've expected him to eat very fast. LOL. And he cleared the vegetables before he eat the beef and the teriyaki chicken, and he pours the miso soup into the rice, because he says the rice is hard. Actually I'm quite tempted to eat the brocolli, feeling a little hungry, but meeting up with them later on, so tried to curb it. Luckily he didn't order the salmon combo, or else I'd really snatch it from him. Then, he kept trying to bite the peeling skin of his lips and also tried to dig out the teriyaki chicken from in between his teeth. No image. Walked with him to Somerset MRT Station then made my way to meet Xi Qing, Jasmine and Ronald at Cineleisure. Walked around, not knowing where to go again, so just walked around aimlessly. I've realised that walking around aimlessly can be rather fun too. So, went to take neoprints with them. I remembered I spent last year's Christmas with Jasmine and Ronald too. His eyelashes are so damn long and it's making me very jealous cos three of them have big and nice eyes, and I'm the odd one out. But hey, give me some credit for making them stand out alright? Yeah, so we laughed a lot about silly things, then Ronald was tired and so we proceeded to Somerset MRT Station, and waited for Ye Chang to come cos the rest of the people are still at Marina eating steamboat. And though we didn't go, still met SOMEONE there, and I think it made Jasmine very happy, AT THE EXPENSE OF ME! <- Okay, I stopped at this part on Christmas cos I'm so bloody tired. Shall continue blogging.

So where was I. Okay, I remember now, we stood outside Somerset MRT Station and saw a guy with pink santa hat, Xi Qing wanted to know where he bought the hat. So I went up to him and asked where he bought it. Bah, in Jurong Point. Then, stood there for quite some time and joked about policemen, transvetites, Bangalas, and etc until Ye Chang came and Ronald went back home. After that, sat outside the lift waiting for Patrick to come while Jasmine tried to repair my handphone with Thomas's screwdrivers. Screw Thomas! It must be his screwdrivers. Beyond redemption! AAA. Thinking of what phone to buy now. So Patrick and Adam came and we just went to Cineleisure. Saw Angela, Joanne, Eric, Min Qi, Jason and some others there. Then, they went to Burger King to eat, then the other group went to Phin's Steakhouse. Soh Hoon came and told her I saw Wei Qiang just now at Cineleisure - wearing PINK. Wei Ming looked better, and Wei Qiang was kind of cute, though not cuter than the period when he was working for Citibank. He smiled and wished me MERRY CHRISTMAS when we walked past each other for the second time outside World Of Sports, I hope Soh Hoon you'd read this and get jealous. LOL. Kidding.

Yeah, so we spent our time outside Cineleisure, just watching people get sprayed by those party sprayer thingy, and it was freaking crowded. Soh Hoon and I agreed that there were really lots of cute guys that night, cute guys walking past at the rate of 5 cute guys/sec. LOL. Kidding. Anyway, saw Gary with a girl, saw him a few times at Bugis and etc, but well, he doesn't want to say a simple hello or what, so be it. Yeah, so, borrowed phone from Jasmine and called Yongloon to wish him a Merry Christmas as promised. Cineleisure crowd is COMPLETELY BONKERS when counting down, and the madness continued for around 15 minutes and I guess everyone's kinda tired, so it was back to the "before-0000-mode" Still crazy, but a little milder. So, went to Youth Park and watched some people skate and do those bicycle stunts thingy, kinda bored, sat for awhile and we went to take a bus. Soh Hoon took 190, but our 174 came first, so we went to Jasmine's house (planned at first), but her mum doesn't like the idea of guys coming to her house, so Jasmine wanted to go for the BBQ at Jurong East, but Cheng Bo was waiting for us at Boon Lay Interchange with the Seed Of Chucky and Saw DVD. so we took the bus all the way back to the interchange, and walked him to Block 693 there, and we walked to Jurong East all over again, because of some miscommunication. Stopped once when Ye Chang wanted to buy milk and Jasmine wanted to go to the toilet, so Adam and I went to check out the video renting booth thingy and see if there's any RA movies. LOL. We continued walking, and the whole duration was like 1 hour and ten plus minutes. The journey was quite fun, with Ye Chang and Patrick playing some songs on their phones.

Had to cross a couple of streets before we could get to Blk 204 of Jurong East, then saw the whole bunch of people there in three groups - Two guys and a girl sitting on the bench, 7-8 people in a bunch, and another group of like 10 sitting there. Jasmine and I were really famished by then. LOL. All of us except Ye Chang (was lying on the floor and sleeping by then) sat down and ate the leftover pizzas, sausages, chicken wings and etc. Then, Patrick played some technos on his phone and we just sat there talking in our own group talking. Didn't really mingled with the rest of the people. Then, some INDIAN POLICEMAN (FUCK ALL INDIANS CAN?) and said the resident complained that we were making a din, and the license of the BBQ was only valid until midnight, so the organiser Kim had his name booked. Jasmine overheard the three people on the bench saying that Patrick's techno was too loud. HELLO? It's just a 7610, it's not a fucking loudhailer or loudspeaker. They're probably blaming our group because we were the last to came here and we're not familiar with each other, so, we get the blame. Like WHAT THE FUCK? And the guy asked the policeman if he wanted to take down the names because they've gotta go. Before that, they were sitting there so casually, now that the policemen came, they need to go urgently? And fuck him for saying the part about noting down names, only fucktards are stupid enough to remind them about it. GRR!

In the end, nothing happened to all of us but I pitied the poor organiser, so we cleared up the mess and the we splitted in two groups, our initial group consisting of us five, and the others just headed towards another direction. We went to Ye Chang's house and sneaked into his room. And well, SOMETHING INTERESTING happened. *winkwink. And I shall not blog about that. Throughout the night, we just kept on joking about it (well actually not night anymore since it's around 4 - 5 plus in the morning). Adam kept giving the dirty look and Patrick couldn't stop smirking. LOL. Ye Chang was at his com all throughout while the three of them watch TV and I just slept on his bed. Then, woken up a lot of times and finally decided to sleep beside his cupboard. *snores.

Woken up by his mother in the morning and she asked me not to sleep on the floor because she was afraid I would catch a cold. *touched (but kinda pissed cos she woke me up? but for a good reason, lah. hahaha). She asked me to sleep in his sister's bedroom, I kept rejecting because I don't wanna sleep in a different room from the guys, but she insisted and so I had no choice.

His mum asked his sister to move aside because she was sleeping right in the middle of her queen size bed. The first thing I noticed about his sister was her black (or is it dark purple) nails, so her mum instructed (yes, instructed!) me to lie down cos I appeared rather reserved and was like sitting on the bed, then she saw me hugging myself and brought me one more pillow and a bolster from her room. How sweet. Then, I turned and sleep on my sides (not used to facing the ceiling and sleep), and saw an Avril Lavigne poster on her sister's wardrobe. Black nails + Avril Lavigne. I've a feeling that she's gonna be a tough chick so I just stopped turning around cos I was afraid that I'd wake her up, and god knows what she'd do to me. But, she woke up around 10 minutes later anyway cos the sun was rather blaring. Saw from the reflection on the wardrobe that she wore spectacles and she went out of the room after another 10 minutes, and I fell asleep again.

Woken up by a nudge from Ye Chang, telling me that my mum had just called his mobile, talked to my mother for awhile and went to the other room, and realised the guys just woke up (like me). Watched TV for a while and decided to go out for breakfast, or maybe lunch since it was already 11 plus in the morning. So we left Ye Chang's house, and Adam walked home, so there was only the three of us. Went to Jurong East to eat, and talked for quite some time, 1 hour plus, talked about sex, virginity, relationship and other topics we don't normally talk about. LOL. So funny, we still kept on laughing over the interesting matter. Then, Patrick went to Rui Ming's house to feed his rats, and Jasmine and I boarded 99 home. Still on the same subject with her. Went home and well, that's how I spent my Christmas eve. Christmas was as usual, boring, spent at home, I can't remember what I'm doing although it's only yesterday. Xi Qing lost her phone, Patrick and Jasmine got their new phones, my phone is spoilt. I don't know why I'm saying this. LOL. I think I should end this entry now. TOO FUCKING LONG, but it's only for my own reference when I check back the archives. Happy Boxing Day. HAHAHAHH! And I hope I'd have a wonderful New Year celebration before I go back to school. I wanna DRINK, and get DRUNK. WOOOHOOO. TATA!

2004-12-22T13:06:00.000+08:00

Playing: Three Days Grace - (I Hate) Everything About You
3 more days to Christmas. I feel like wearing my santa hat on Christmas Eve itself. Still don't know where I'm going, yet. Nothing has been confirmed. But I hope it'd be fun, lah. Downloading Seed Of Chucky now. WOOHOO. GV hasn't released the rating for the show yet, but I think it's probably gonna be M18 or something? It'd be great if it's NC16, BUT, just in case it's M18, I've already downloaded it, well actually, still downloading, both 70++% completed. Wanna download Meet The Fockers too, cos Meet The Parents was quite funny. And maybe I wanna download American Pie all those movies which I can't watch in the cinema. BAHAHAA. Downloading songs too, before 31 Dec 2004 comes. I don't know where I can source for mp3 after that date. Imagine a day without any mp3s in my winamp. AAAA Don't wanna think about it.

Anyway, it's been a long time since I've listened to any radio station, tuned in to Perfect 10 yesterday, it's like very strange to me, cos I'm used to the songs on my winamp. I don't really like those Hilary Duff, Geri Halliwell type of music (Fly and don't know what new song by Geri Halliwell that sounds like those dance music one), but that's the two very first songs that I've got when I tuned in. Geri Halliwell should just go and die. The Spice Girl era is obviously over, why is she still here? Thankfully, after that P10 started playing Hoobastank and Yellowcard, then it's back to Britney Spears. Feeling very shitty, I turned off the radio and stick to my winamp instead. LOL. I don't know why I'm writing these stuffs here. Pardon me. I'm just bored, lah.
I feel that I really can't concentrate when I'm turning on the radio. I was writing something, then I just spaced out, and after 5 minutes, I realised that I've been spacing out? Okay, I really don't know what I'm talking about here already.
Oh yeah. An advanced Merry Xmas to everyone out there if I happened to die on the eve itself. Enjoy people.

2004-12-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

Playing: Smile Empty Soul - Nowhere Kids

Dum dee dee dum. I'm blogging cos I'm too bored. Don't feel like going out either because of the nice rainy weather. I don't wanna get drenched. And I always get drenched because I hate to bring an umbrella with me. I don't like to bring an umbrella with me because it's too bulky (yes, even the foldable one). I don't know what I'm talking about. Do you give a shit to what I'm talking about? The answer is no right? So please pardon me for crapping.

Next paragraph, in case Patrick you're reading this, AN INDIAN added me in his Friendster. LOL. I didn't approve of cos, just kept him on the pending list because it makes me laugh? Forward Patrick the notification mail Friendster sent to me. HAHAHAHA. I don't know why I'm so anti-Indians. Sorry to all Indians who are reading this entry. But I thought my site has a protection to ban all Indians from entering this site and make their computer crash? Hmm, maybe it isn't working, will check with Blogspot later on. LOL. Kidding.

These few weeks have been quite, eventful I would say. Yeah, going out and etc. Lazy to blog about everyday. Would just say that I really enjoyed myself though. If mum is less strict with me, maybe I'd have more fun going out. AND I THINK I'M BROKE? My savings are depleted and I don't have a fuken job? Anyway, I think I'm dead, because I think my mum knows something I don't want her to know. And if you ever come back online and see this entry (and I haven't update a new one), it's ALL YOUR FAULT. HAHAHAHA. Yes, I'm talking about YOU. Okay, I think that's it for this blog entry. Nice weather either to slack/rot/sleep. AIYAH. Whatever. I'd just stay indoor. I'm becoming a mountain tortoise nowadays. Cheerios. (:

PS: The part about Indians is not written by me, really. I think some aliens took over my body and typed it. LALALA.

2004-12-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

Rag Doll

How you feeling?
When the day has had its way with both of us
And oh I've gone out of my way
But I'm not free from this pain I'm reeling
I was a fool to think
Someday you would come around
But no no no
I'm not thinking that way
Cos now I see

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away cos
There's no necessity for you to stay
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby you're not coming in

How's your day been, yeah
Cos mine has taken straight and ugly turns
But no no no, I feel better today
Cos I'm off my knees

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away cos
There's no necessity for you to stay
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby you're not coming in

A hot minute for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows lock my doors
Cos my heart won't be your rag doll anymore
Yeah

I think you should just go away cos
There's no necessity for you to stay
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby you're not coming in

A hot minute for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows lock my doors
Cos my heart won't be your rag doll anymore
Cos my heart wont be your rag doll anymore.

2004-11-29T19:54:00.000+08:00

i'm going down. down down down. from the initial high. why cant the mind-numbing sensation last forever. it's a pity. i dont like the current situation i'm now in. i feel like letting go and breaking free. would it be for the better, or would i be regretting. i hate to regret. maybe id be better off alone. i don't deserve what i've got. i do not deserve anything, at all. she deserves better. maybe i'm lucky. but i do not appreciate what i have. i tend to take things for granted. i wished things can run more smoothly for her. maybe i should go through that instead of her, at least, i'm numb, i'm unfeeling, i'm like a stone. being indifferent, maybe it's just a kind of self-protection. i'm just, well, rotten. i wanna feel like how i feel last night again. i'm sick, i'm bored, i'm starting to realise that monotony really kills me. but i don't want to get involved in anything now. i contradict myself. the things i've said. the things i've done. sometimes i wonder if i'm really who i am. if only i can have just one personality. i don't know. i am not looking forward to anything now. i just wanna lose my sanity. maybe thats the best solution. :) i think i sound crappy. shall end off here. all the best to everyone in the world.

2004-11-28T13:03:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Pink Martini - Let's Never Stop Falling In Love
Feeling: Fresh

XG:
When you're looking at this. I'm MYLC! :)

-NZ.

Let's Never Stop Falling In Love
I wish a falling star could fall forever
And sparkle through the clouds and stormy weather
And in the darkness of the night
The star would shine a glimmering light
And hover above our love

Please hold me close and whisper that you love me
And promise that your dreams are only of me
When you are near, everything's clear
Earth is a beautiful heaven
Always I hope that we follow the star
And be forever floating above

I know a falling star can't fall forever
But let's never stop falling in love

When you are near, everything's clear
Earth is a beautiful heaven
Always I hope that we shine like the star
And be forever floating above

I know a falling star can't fall forever
And let's never stop falling in love
No let's never stop falling in love

C <3 -

2004-11-27T11:52:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Mayday - Chun Zhen
Feeling: Sleepy

I haven't been a good friend. I haven't been a good sister. I haven't been a good daughter. I haven't been a good student. Damn. It's been weeks since I blogged. Well, the past few weeks have been rather okay. Just that, I wished my mum would nod more when I say I wanna go out. I'm too lazy to do anything. I don't want the school term to start. I don't want to face the people I have to face. Nothing will ever be the same anymore when the bunch of people are gone. Recess. I don't even wanna think about it. Maybe I should just skip recess and stay in class and sleep. I DONT KNOW LAH. KNNBCCB. URGH.

LOL. Just venting my anger. Hmm, tomorrow will be the 2/2 chalet. Skipped the 4/6 chalet because my mum doesn't allow me to go. How $^&*#@ can the reason be. I'm gonna enjoy myself thoroughly during the chalet I hope, with the people I love the most. :D And I wanna drink. It's been a long time since I drink. I hope someone brings some alcohol of some kind, even Jolly Shandy, I'd be contented. HAHAHA. It's been a long time since I've seen the guys because they've been busy with their Os. So, yeah, I hope this isn't the last chalet for us all. Cos I'm definitely waiting for more to come. DAMN. I'm $%^&*@# excited just thinking about the chalet itself (minus the butt-numbing MRT trip that is) WEEEEE. Back to Happy Pauline again. LALALA.

2004-11-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles
Comin' up tails
It's only science apart.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, when I rush to the start

Runnin' in circles
Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm goin' back to the start.

Happy DEEPAvali everyone. :)

2004-11-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

Feeling: Happy :D
Spinning: Gigi D'Agostino - L'Amour Toujours

School isn't over, yet. Still have two weeks of extended lessons, and maybe more. Who knows? Threw away the HCL homework list cos I thought I wasn't going to be promoted. LOL. I wonder who I can copy the homework list from. =\

Went out with Jasmine and Xi Qing in the evening. Really surprised that Mum actually allowed and didn't even nag for a bit. Wanted to catch a movie but the timeslots didn't suit us, so we walked around and decided to go to Swensen's. The setting there (orange light) was really romantic, made me feel like sleeping. LOL. We spent a long time deciding which ice-cream we wanna order. OH MY GOD. I'm spoilt for choice. I wanted to order Strawberry Stripes, but in the end the three of us ordered Banana Split. The vanilla ice cream is SO nice. I LOVE VANILLA. YUMMY! :D The strawberry one was okay but I didn't like the chocolate one. I want to try eating Earthquake on my own someday.

There's this cherry on the chocolate ice-cream and I thought of Patrick. LOL. Jasmine's cherry stem is too short so she can't try out. BAHAHAHA. She can't roll her tongue too. ROFL! So in the end, Xi Qing the long-tongue-woman and me tried tying a knot on the cherry stem with our tongues. Her cherry stem is the longest amongst us, and so is her tongue. In the end we didn't succeed cos the cherry stem dropped out from her mouth, and for me, I got sick of trying, so I just spit it away. But damn, I'm going to master that. Patrick, just wait and see.

After that, saw some of Jas's basketball team friends, and they witnessed her stupid action with that cardboard man. LOL. She attracted many stares from passerbys and I just couldn't stop laughing. HAHAHA. Went to her house after that, then decided to go to the basketball court. We talked for awhile, and saw the people I haven't seen in a long time. I like night time. :) Looking forward to whatever we'd be going to do! And, good luck to all taking Os. DON'T COME ONLINE SO OFTEN! Yeah. CHEERS and BEST OF LUCK. WEEEEEE!

2004-10-28T20:20:00.000+08:00

Feeling: HAPPY :D :D :D
Spinning: Usher feat Alicia Keys - My Boo

I'm STILL happy. Nothing new. LOL. Oh my god, I'm addicted to this song. It's been playing in my winamp for an hour repeatedly. I can't get enough of the song, well, at least for now. I'd probably get sick of it by tomorrow. LOL.

Went to RSAF museum today. Had more fun on the bus than in the museum I would say. Took quite a number of pictures. Shawn, Rui Ming and Patrick were posing with the aircraft models. So obscene, but NICE. HAHAHA. It was damn corny but we had fun. HEH.

Skipped the lessons after 1230 and went to the hawker centre with Patrick and Xi Qing though we still have classes and met Su Sian, Xian Yao and Xiang Yao. Reminds me of the sixerz. Argh. Miss them a lot. :(

Don't feel like going to school tomorrow cos there's this stupid Deepavali concert (think Indian songs, Indian emcees with Tamil accent. NOOOOOO!), but I've to get my report slip back. I haven't completed English homework and I don't know what Ms Lim's gonna do to me. I'm lazy and the only thing I feel like doing now is to sleep! I shall stop procrastinating and do my homework now.

Happy Deepavali to all. Pauline will try to be nicer to Indians. :D

2004-10-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

Feeling: HAPPY + ON CLOUD NINE + EXHILARATED + OTHER SYNONYMS OF HAPPY ADDED TOGETHER.
Spinning: Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul

I'm the happiest girl in this whole wide world. I'm the happiest Pauline I've been in my sixteen years (or so I think). I'm.. HAPPY. :D Tired to blog now (but still very happy). Will update tomorrow. I'M HAPPY. REMEMBER. I'M SO HAPPY I'M FEELING WAY TOO DAMN GOOD. HAPPINESS IS ME. PAULINE IS HAPPY! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2004-10-22T21:54:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Lifehouse - Breathing
Feeling: Sick

Being sick SUCKS. Everytime when I'm sick, I'd think about the times when I'm not sick, and start to regret why I did not take proper care of myself blah blah blah. And you know what's worse? : You know that it's your sister who spread the illness to you. And she keep on ranting about how sick it is to get sick (okay, I've no bloody mood for whatever shit vocabulary). SHE'S FULLY RECOVERED NOW AND SHE'S SHOWING OFF TO ME. Damn, why can't she be a little more considerate and STOP BUGGING ME when she's sick? Keep on "Jie Jie" here "Jie Jie" there. For goodness sake, I need my own space and I'm not bloody interested in your classmate's three-sided love affair! And for that matter, whatever you wanna tell me, I'M NOT INTERESTED. I keep a distance away from my family members whenever I fall sick whereas my sister likes to roll around on my bed even though she's sick. URGH. And I HATE to find used tissue papers (yes, contaminated with mucus and what-have-you) on my bed. AND I HATE TO GET SICK WHEN I'M HAVING A BLOODY LONG HOLIDAY (that's from Thurs - Mon). My left ear hurts (happens everytime when I'm sick), my throat hurts (badly), my eyes hurt, I'm having a runny nose and I think I'm having a slight fever. Sorry, but I feel like saying this. FCUK!!!

Magdelene, look what you've done.

I feel so much better now after cussing her. :D Blogging is my medicine. LOL.

2004-10-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

Just downloaded the song "All Day Long I Dream About Sex" by JC Chasez. He was my second favourite N Sync member when I was still a teenybopper. That was way back in Sec 1. Okay, so not really way back, but you know what I mean. Now that I'm 16, I don't really like to associate myself with boybands especially stupid ones like 5566. At least when I was a big fan of boybands, I had good taste and didn't like those corny boybands who can't sing. LOL. I don't see what's the hype with 5566. YUCKS. Anyway, this song by JC can't be compared with Korn's "All Day I Dream About Sex". The latter is, of course, way better than JC's. But I admit, the chorus is getting into my head.

Anyway, had a fun day today. Slacked throughout the periods today by just talking to Kah Joon, Wei Ji and of course Patrick. He had a hard time drinking his mutton soup sitting in front of me. *evil cackle. Mucus, "XXX"'s vomit, "XXX2"'s tissue paper, sour plum, chewing gum. LOL. I'm a pro. WOOHOO. Slept throughout the Chemistry free period though the class was so noisy. But if I was in my previous class, it'd be way noisier. Miss the Sixerz, and miss Jasmine too. She came back today and waited for me outside the classroom. Pat, Jas and I went up to 4/6 classroom and took some pictures. I suggested going to the rooftop and take some pictures. We climbed over the railing and the pavement on the rooftop was rather warm despite of the slight shower before that. Wei Liang and company saw us from 4/2 classroom and stared at us. I was so afraid of heights that I just wanna get it over and done with. It was so fun sitting up there, a totally different view from what you get in the classroom.

Then, while we were climbing back, heard someone shout "OEI" very loudly from Block C, somewhere around the 3/1 classroom. Panic panic panic! Jas went in first and squatted down, followed by Pat, I was the last cos Jas's handphone fell out from my pocket and I had to pick it up. I jumped from the railing and WELL SOMETHING HAPPENED BUT I'D FILL YOU IN ON THAT LATER. Yeah, so we ran and wanted to hide in the toilet but they were locked. So, we went to hide behind the Home Econs Block.

I sat down and realised that I felt unusually cool near my thigh though I was perspiring like mad. Then *gasps*! I saw my left side of my skirt (where the zip is) - torn apart. OMG. Told them and they laughed at me. Okay, normal reaction. No wonder I heard a "ZOOOOOP" sound when I was jumping down from the railing, cos the side of my skirt was stuck on the bar of the railing. Aah, it's so hard to explain in words. Now I know the meaning of "A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words" Pat took a picture of it and we just sat there waiting for time to pass as we didn't want to get punished. Pat told his Sec 2 friend to help us get our bags from 4/6 and we left the school immediately. They might announce this tomorrow during morning assembly, but too bad, Pat and I aren't going for the level camp. LOL.

Went for lunch with Jasmine at the block opposite CSS. It's been a long time since I had a meal with her there, and it's the usual - a cup noodle with potato nuggets, and the price is still the same, $2.30. I really missed the time we had doing all sort of crazy things together. Even the silence we spent together. :D All the best to your Chem Prac tomorrow. Patrick the happy man! LOL. Alicia sms you one good night message you so happy. I sms you one million you also not happy. SAD LAR. LOL. (pls don't scold FCUK YOU at this moment) Hope your happiness will last for long.

Okay, Pat uploaded the pictures already. Posted some of them here.

Rooftop 1.

Rooftop 2.

Rooftop 3.

The railing which tear my skirt. See the space at the edge? There's where my skirt got stuck.

My torn skirt 1.

My torn skirt 2.

Me wearing the torn skirt. Taken behind Home Econs Block.

We'd end off with a classic gay shot. No captions needed. Cos a picture speaks a thousand words. :D CHEERS!

2004-10-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Third Eye Blind - Never Let You Go
Feeling: $^&*#@

Well, wanna know how my day goes? It's like, manure. Yeah, I'm certified not an uncouth person who only knows how to say, "How my day arh? Like shit lor!". I'm a refined girl. =D Anyway, had free period today and the PPQ played Bingo in the canteen! Patrick was on a winning streak, partly because of the method he used, but I won a couple of times too, and Xi Qing once. Hahaha, poor thing.

Then it was back to class, PPQ discussed about committing suicide. Okay, maybe not the whole PPQ, but just Pat and me. Even Kah Joon said that I was not myself today. One, I didn't laugh at Boon Wah or whatever funny characters in the class. Two, I didn't pay attention to what he was saying all the time and he had to repeat. Three, I didn't make any jokes about anyone/anything at all. Maybe I just felt like staying silent for awhile. Actually, I haven't been myself lately, not only today, and god knows why. Hopefully things change for the better.Went down to 4th floor and talked to some of the 3/2 people, who coincidentally were talking about committing suicide too. LOL.

Too tired to blog about anything. Did a survery today about canteen food, and I wrote some bad comments about the Indian stall. I hope it get closed down. LOL. Trust me, Indians are beneath contempt. I've nothing much to say anymore, cos kinda busy with MSN conversation, soooooo many windows, say 10? Min Qi says she might be going to USA to further her studies after Os, but it has not been confirmed yet. Anyway thanks for the concern everyone. Well, I wish everybody all the best for their upcoming Os. And Pat if you see this, I've changed my mind. I don't wanna jump down anymore. Continue to live and I'd serve you with my daily risque jokes to entertain you. Or I'd talk more about chio bu(s), just for your sake. And I know you love it, sucker. :D

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

2004-10-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darling when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
Cos nothing lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just trying to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's letting go today
Walking away
If we could take the time
To lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowing that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
Then darling don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walking
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time
On your own
Do you need some time
All alone
Everybody needs some time
On their own
Don't you know you need some time
All alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you
Sometimes I need some time
On my own
Sometimes I need some time
All alone
Everybody needs some time
On their own
Don't you know you need some time
All alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
Cos nothing lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

2004-10-16T19:26:00.000+08:00

Spinning: The Offspring - Million Miles Away

Feeling: Sick

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

TML NO SKL

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

remind u

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

cos i wont b @ court tml

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

no me wif u eating century egg porridge wif siewmai on tray

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

no aunty flirting

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

no doujiang youtiao

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

no sorethroat

- ñ ê G [ å ] t î v ê - u can take me out of the s|x3rz. but u cant take the s|x3rz out of me *shapeofmyheart ¹ 6 ¹ 0 says:

Where all of you?

Patrick, you know what?

I know.

2004-10-15T11:34:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Smile Empty Soul - Nowhere Kids
Feeling: Mixed feelings

Woke up with puffy eyes. Cried with Jas last night until I had a bad throbbing headache. I miss her. I love her. Wrote some testimonials for her earlier in the morning. :)

Watched Dodgeball on Wednesday at Cineleisure. Not very funny. Well, it just didn't live up to my expectation. Now I feel like watching White Chicks, and most importantly, The Exorcist.

I'm 16 and I haven't watch a single NC-16 movie yet (in the cinema)! Anyway, Chee Chao smsed me yesterday and asked me to check out the showtime of Resident Evil. Then hours later, he smsed me again and told me that he was the only one in the theatre. LOL. He told me he was scared and it was so funny. I've never tried that. I've never even tried watching a movie on my own. Actually, I wanted to watch it with him after my exams, but I just watched a movie the day before. Haha, luckily I didn't or else I can foresee that I'm going to jump around the theatre because there's no one there, and he would just sit there laughing. He'd waste his $6.50 cos he's unable to concentrate on the big screen. LOL. But come to think about it, 2 people in the theatre can be quite romantic. LOL. That is, if you're with the right person.

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so..

2004-10-10T19:07:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge

Feeling: HAPPY. :D

What is love? Began to ponder over this question after I saw the Southpark quotation in Patrick's blog. It's not easy to define as it's too complex. Just like "beauty" and "happiness", it's some kind of, abstract word.

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, It does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, Always perserveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

Well, here are some love quotes I like. My fave being the Albert Einstein one. You may have seen them already, but well, I've got nothing else to post. LOL. So, here are the quotes.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. - Sam Keen
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. - Kay Knudsen
For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. - Rosemonde Gerard
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. - Helen Keller
We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it. - John Lennon
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
Love is merely madness... - William Shakespeare
Love that is not madness is not love. - Pedro Calderon
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistible desired. - Robert Frost
Gravity can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein
Know love, know happiness. No love, no happiness.
Don't settle for the one you can live with. Search to find the one you can not live without.
Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall.
Love is seeing yourself in someone's eyes and finding yourself in somebody's heart.
There is no part of the body that, when broken, hurts as badly as the heart.
Love is when you think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.
If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving.
To the world, you may only be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.
You know you're in love when you can't sleep because your reality is better than your dreams.
Somethings are loved because they are valuable, others are valuable because they are loved.
Once you accept someone for who and what they really are, they will really surprise you by being better than you ever expected.
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.

A quotable quote from Patrick.
[06:57:37 PM] ¦ // xsLaCk: "Guyz are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped!" eh diz lot here the car juz left... v good space =P

Advertisement: Patrick is a wonderful guy. And he has no problems with interracial relationship too. Girls, come on, grab him. He's kind of interested in Indian girls with hairy legs and pineapple head. He's a Taurus, so it'd be good if you're a Cancer or a Pisces. Yeah, it's been a lengthy entry. I'd end here. CHEERS EVERYBODY. ((((((:

2004-10-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

Okay, I'd change the post. My mood switched 180 degrees after the clock hit 2200. Stupid PatPat! He showed me the Gunther's video which looks like a rip from Bollywood movie! And the guy was like pouting his lips throughout the video. It looks a lot like soft porn, with a lot of bikini babes prancing around on the beach. The camera was jumpy and so were their tits. Eww. Just felt so gross. And it's 40 something megabytes. Waste of space. I'd rather download 10 tracks of some Indian music. Okay, I'm kidding. I'm still a racist at heart. The Gunther guy is a George Michael lookalike. Yucks. I have nothing against George Michael but well, I just thought this Gunther guy sucks big time!

Talking about "sucks big time", Loon's mum is a vacuum machine. Nothing inside and sucks big time! LOL. Calvell told me about his mum and what he did to Loon and I could not stop laughing. The facial masks, the seats, the phonecalls, the monitor. It was so hilarious! I can't believe someone like that actually existed in real life. It sounded like something taken from a sitcom. Then, I think I laughed a little too loud and my mum was pissed with me. Really, it was so funny. I really need these funny people in my life - to make me laugh! :D

I know the stupid note thingy down there isn't working. I'd try to fix it soon when I'm not too lazy (we'll see when that day comes), or when I finally decide that a tagboard is better. I still think a tagboard is untidy and ugly. ZZZ. Okay, that's it. Great that PatPat is feeling better now, judging from the way he speaks. Jasmine finally knows Ernest's address. Yay, I feel so happy now, for everybody, for myself. This feeling might not last for long, but I'm contented to be feeling this way even for a short moment. STAY HAPPY EVERYONE! *big grin.

2004-10-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

alexis_chua@hotmail.com? says:
i wish life was like a video
alexis_chua@hotmail.com? says:
u could fast foward it
+ 今晚的天空有一颗流星划过在预言着什么 + says:
i wish life was a video
+ 今晚的天空有一颗流星划过在预言着什么 + says:
u could stop it.

Okay, so this is the conversation I had with Rui Ming. Just found it quite funny, in a rather, ironic way? Hmm.

Shu Yong messaged me today and told me about her prelim results. L1R5 36, L1R4 27. Zzz. I wonder what's the purpose in my life. I have yet to find one. I must really find one before I jump down, like Keith's cat. Just don't really know how to console him, when I'm in a such a mood myself.

My evil twin, if you're reading this. Cheer up. I don't know what to say. Cos I'm feeling really down too. So decided not to continue our chat, it'd just make things worse. It's really uncanny, why must you be feeling down the same moment as I do?

I find it hard to be happy, really. I may be smiling on the outside, but deep down inside, I know I'm not. And, this sucks.

2004-10-05T19:14:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to three people. Don't know why, but well, I just felt like writing this. Another side to Pauline I guess. Sorry if it's all in really bad English. My apologies.
Patrick: Thanks for being so concerned. I don't think I've to say anything much anymore, but well, this past one year, we've lived our life like a true sixerz, which meant that we slacked all the way. LOL. Um yah, thanks for your concern! Great having you as my evil twin, and that's who you'll always be. I never thought I'd get along with a Taurus, cos personality of Taurus and Gemini seems to clash. Somehow, you just clicked with me and you know what I'm thinking, like always? And that's amazing. I hope you don't get influenced by my racism. :D
KennethThough I only know you for a short time, I find that you're a really special person. Where on earth can I find someone who is a Gemini, puts strawberry in the first place, chocolate the second, likes Sprite more than Coca Cola, use the same font and color as me (initially), well I could go on and on, but somehow, my tear ducts are blocking me from thinking. No link? Nevermind, let it pass. I'd really like to get to know you better cos my intuition tells me that you're gonna be such a great friend. Well, I appreciate the message you sent me just now. You know, the turning upside down thing? Yeah. I was about to stop crying when I saw message, and it got me started all over again. Not blaming you dude, just that I'm touched by this little gesture of yours. Thanks for being understanding, maybe because you're a Gemini too, so you understand how I feel. REALLY REALLY GREAT TO KNOW YOU. I'm serious. Not joking. LOL. I admit that I might have been distant cos I'm one anti-social freak who doesn't like to take initiative to message people when I'm online, but but but, the next time you sign in, I'm gonna be like soooooooooooooo friendly to you, so don't be taken aback ya? And I will SMS you too. So look out for my message during your class time. HAHAA! Hope to get closer to you! Alright, all the best dude! BIG GRIN! BIG GRIN!
Yongloon: See, no space in between! Haha! But I still prefer calling you Loon, I don't why. Sexy sugar, thanks for calling me just now. It feels so good seeing your name flashing on my hp, but I didn't pick it up, cos, ya you know why. Actually, I don't know what to say anymore, cos I already mentioned what I wanna say in the sms just now. I'm really sorry. You were like so happy waving your pink highlighter (or is it?) and eating your stuffs and I had to spoil it by typing loads of negative text over there. I know it's useless to say sorry, but, argh, I'm a weakling. Actually I wanted to laugh when you were doing all those stupid stuffs like girly pose and etc, but somehow I wanna cry too. I guess I'm having a little problem here. You told me that you were having some problems with your exams too but I kept ranting on and on about my problem (I just checked out what you typed earlier, cos I went bonkers out of a sudden just now). I'm insensitive and before that I still went on to laugh about the thing in your nick. I feel so guilty out of a sudden. Yeah, just wanna let you know that I'm gonna be by your side too if you were to have any problems (touch wood). Miss you loads when you aren't around. And I hate your mum! LOL. Sorry if I made your hp bill boom this month. =x Haha, last but not least, thanks thanks thanks, for everything. :D
That pretty sums up my lengthy blog entry. Yeah. BIG THANK YOU.

2004-10-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

How to pass your Higher Chinese paper when

- your father's alarm clock failed to work and he was unable to wake you up at 5 in the morning to do some last minute revision?

- you have a bad feeling that this is an ominous way to start your day?

- you walked down with your father to get the car and there's a funeral near at the recreational hall? (no offence)

- you walked to school and saw some of your schoolmates *GASP!* carrying dictionaries and it suddenly dawned that you yourself forget to bring one? and then you started to panic, go hysterical and ...

- you followed the seating arrangement posted on the board but you actually sat at the wrong place?

- you got in a heated argument with the girl who accused you of sitting at the wrong place? and, you didn't win.

- you had to move back two seats? MOVING BACK. bad omen, AGAIN.

- you were the last person in the entire level taking the subject. to put it simply, your paper would be the first to be collected? that means, no last minute scribbling on the paper which might earn you a half mark if you're a lucky bastard.

- the person sitting beside you was taking another paper? indirect way to say, no copying. for once, i wasn't happy to see people holding the papers up high, or flipping the pages.

- you didn't even study a teeny weeny bit for the subject cos you were too pissed that Jeassea got kicked out instead of Jerry? none of my business but please let it pass.

- a dark shadow loomed on you and you realised that it was actually the inquisitive teachers who are behind you, scrutinising each and every word you write? and they're so damn close you can feel their breathing. and not forgetting to mention, the smell of kaya toast.

- your lucky pen ran out of ink and you had to substitute with a ball-point pen with purple pucca on it?

- you could hear half of your cohort whining about how this paper sucked (as in, too difficult) right after dismissal?

- you were so preoccupied with thinking what to write for the blog entry about your HCL exam. and this is during the time when you should be using your grey matter to think of introducing an intriguing twist to your plot to impress? (which is this entry by the way, if you still don't know you moron.)

How to pass? Beats me. If I don't, it's acceptable, cos I'm only human, and to err is human. If I do, I reign over the world. Call me the Queen.

2004-09-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Mr Big - To Be With You
Feeling: Dirty (physically)

Went straight to my room when I reached home cos there was this unwanted visitor in my living room. Now I'm contemplating about whether I should make a quick dash to the bathroom without making any eye contact with him. He knows I hate him, but still, he wants to act friendly. He's got this "annoying" word stamped all over his face. And worse, he tried to open my door cos he claimed, "Aiyo, ah girl, hen jiu mei you kan dao ni liao leh." But, HAHA, it's locked. I knew he will do that. That creep! Then mom forced me to open the door, so I did it, grudgingly. The word is grudgingly. And he asked me if I could recognise him off the street. I wanted to answer, "Of course not lar! I do not want to identify myself with a person like you and in the first place, I'd make sure I stay away from all the place that you frequent. Is it Geylang? Or is it some secluded forests now?" (you know, the "in" place for prostitutes and foreign labourers to hangout. HAHA.) Being nice of me (ahem), and also under the pressure of my mother (giving me that wink), I gave a smile and said, "Hahaha, yeah, maybe ya?". I felt so prententious for a moment. Mom, didn't you ever taught us not to lie? I hate that creep!

Talking about creep. Met ANOTHER creep today. I mistaken a 176 bus for a 187 bus when it was approaching, and realised it when it reached the stop, but I boarded the bus nevertheless. LOL. Cos I didn't want to look like a weirdo saying "Oh, I saw the wrong bus." to the driver. So I boarded the bus to the stop outside Jurong East Library.

Then, here comes this guy riding a bicycle coming towards my way, he stopped when he was about 10m away from me, and smiled at me. At first, I thought he wanted to ask for direction or whatever. Then when I walked nearer to him, he started to gave me this very sick and perverted look and said in mandarin, "Xiao mei mei, fang xue liao arh?". He kept sniggering to himself and I gave him a cold hard stare (my uber dao face. LOL.) and crossed the bridge immediately.

When I was walking up the stairs of the bridge, I was thinking if he would follow me and grab my wallet or whatever (but he'd be real stupid to do so cos I'm a weirdo who don't put money inside my wallet). Or maybe he would stab me with a knife, or just strangle my neck? Scenes from very Channel8-ish dramas kept playing in my mind and I decided to see if he was still around. Then there he was, parking his bicycle near the bus-stop, and still smiling and looking at me. SICK. Anyway, thanks Xi Qing for asking me to calm down, and AN EVER BIGGER THANK YOU to Jasmine who tried to worsen my fear.

Actually, that guy looked a bit like Sim Wong Hoo. And JE library is like so close to Creative? Hmm. =\ I hope I don't get to see him again, or else this time I'm gonna gather all my courage and kick his gonad, HARD!

2004-09-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

I forgot that I took out all my money and cards before I wash my wallet, so I just grabbed my wallet and Dad drove me to school. So I decided that this is the chance for me to finally try walking back home (I've been contemplating about it since long ago), and guess how long I took to travel from Jurong East St 24 to Boon Lay Drive, 59 minutes and 14 secs, almost equivalent to one hour. Here's a vague time breakdown.

5th minute - Walk to 157 bus stop. Realised that wallet was empty.
13th minute - Near JE sports complex. One jogger passed by. Nearing JVSS.
20th minute - JPS. 3 bicycles passed by.
22nd minute - Crossed the junction to FHSS bus stop.
34th minute - HYSS. 2 bicyles passed by.
39th minute - Jurong West Market (Blk 502). Feeling very thirsty. Regretted not refilling my water bottle in school.
45th minute - JJC.
49th minute - STILL stuck at JJC cos I didn't know they had this press-pad behind me. -.-
50th minute - Crossed the road after my discovery.
54th minute - Grace Orchard School.
59th minute - In the lift.
59 min and 14 sec - The time I stopped my stop watch and touched the gate.

Yes, I timed the above result. LOL. Since I was gonna be bored throughout the journey. Why not do something interesting right? For once, I thank God for making Singapore uber small, and having proper passageways for pedestrians to walk.

Watched The Next Big Thing on Channel U and Agnes Wong is so gorgeous. She's my favourite contestant but I knew she wasn't gonna win because Benjamin Ng would be a better choice for Channel U as they lack male actors with dashing good looks. Just look at how many female artistes in Channel U they termed as "ah-jie". I'm not a sore loser because Agnes lost but well, that's just what I really felt. Benjamin Ng was my second favourite contestant, so well, it's good that either one of them win, in this case, Benjamin. I'm gonna end today's entry with, "AGNES WONG IS A PRETTY BABE AND I REALLY LOVE HER!". LOL. I'm straight, though. Cheers!

2004-08-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Malice Mizer - Au Revoir
Feeling: Happy

Had a shower with cold water because the heater wasn't in working condition. Dad was so cute, he pasted a note on the heater saying "xiao xin, hot water." No wonder he's my dad. The cute genes just run in the family. Sheesh! I feel so talkative today and had to write all these down in the blog. Dad's so sweet cos he sat at the balcony waiting for me to return home, just to tell me that he bought some salmon and other assorted sushis for my sister and I.

Today, Jasmine, Xi Qing and I went to town and walked around. Saw Gackt and Malice Mizer's albums but they were priced at >$50. Gackt looked so handsome in those CD cover! That's what I termed as "devilish-ly beautiful". Gackt IS beautiful! So, we went to Hair Plan after that to cut our hair after walking up and down Far East to search for a hair salon. But it was still worthwhile cos we saw this cute CJC guy. LOL. Hair Plan's service was rather good cos the girls were friendly and chatty. Though she might exert a little too much force on my head, I actually enjoyed the shampooing session cos it made me feel relaxed. Yeah, I am satisfied with my hair, at least the stupid fringe doesn't get in my way when I'm doing my work.

We also went to Cineleisure and Heerens to take some neoprints, and when I was flipping through the album at Heerens, I saw this group of gothic looking guys who pasted their neoprints there. That's like the coolest neoprint I've ever seen. I really admire those people who dare to parade in those cosplay costume. AAA! Long live JRock and the people who are into cosplay! Oh ya, I emphasise, not "act jap" but JRock and cosplay.

Saw Ericia Lee and Ix Shen at Cineleisure together, and Ericia Lee's figure is like WOW. Saw Z Chen, Linda and some unknown (to me) chinese pop singers at Heerens. Now, here comes the interesting part, I actually saw Steven Lim (yes, the Singapore Idol clown) outside Marriot Hotel and made a statement about him. He was looking at our direction and smiling, then something inside me urged me to say something, and I said out loud, "Singapore Idol rocks man!". He was shocked and I think he turned his head when we were walking past. He probably thinks I'm weird. BUT! It doesn't matter to me as long as the whole Singapore now knows who is the REAL weirdo. Kudos to Steven Lim for brightening up my day(s).

2004-08-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Haiducii - Dragostea Din Tei
Feeling: Restless

Just heard from scandalous news from Soh Hoon about our school teachers, and we gossiped a lot about the school. Well, when the whole school is being scolded by a teacher in the hall, I'd be sitting there fantasising how it would be when all of us rebelled against him/her. Hmm, think about what I said.

Downloaded Gackt's music videos and he's just so attractive, a little androgynous, but that's what makes him appealing. He looked so beautiful in Vanilla MV. Angel has a huge collection of X Japan and Malice Mizer's music videos and I'm gonna beg him to send me once his computer is okay. I heard that he can play the drums, piano, and he's a guitarist in a band. How cool is that? Angel the rock star!

It's gonna be school tomorrow and I haven't done anything for my HCL class debate. I'd start worrying about that when I get up tomorrow morning. And the keyword is low-profile for tomorrow, stay away from all the teachers, or it's goodbye to my hair. 100% of X Japan's Silent Jealousy MV downloaded. Yay! Good night everyone.

2004-08-20T17:32:00.000+08:00

Spinning: Steve Murano - Passion
Feeling: Uneasy

ARGH! I think my hair's a little too brown now. I'm beginning to hallucinate what could possibly happen to me on Monday morning. Maybe I can start going around with a tucked in shirt with a hairband on my head, and try to avoid the disciplinary committee. But I'm kind of afraid that Miss K Lim's gonna realise that my hair has changed into a lighter shade again. The fact that Ms Ridz is now my Geography teacher made things worse. I'm officially what you call, in deep shit.